Oh, btw!

New weight loss support site I just set up:

http://wlfriends.com

Not too many people there now, but we can get it moving!

Contestant #145

Today I did something nutty... I auditioned to be on The Biggest Loser 5!!

Here's a rundown of the process, compliments of 4 hours of boredom in the sun, and my trusty Blackberry!

8:15 - I arrive at WKYC in Downtown Cleveland after parking miles, ok fine BLOCKS away. At first rough count, I figure there are about 100 in line, later I calculate closer to 200. Who knows what the real number is, but I'm pretty sure less than 500. Will be pissed if I stand here for 3 hours and am 501st.

They said they would take individuals, but it seems most are here in teams. That makes me a bit uncomfortable. If they are doing a team episode, I definitely don't have a chance!

8:45 - I'm pretty sure that if Christopher bought 100 chairs and 100 pizzas, he could make an insane amount of money. People are eating like you wouldn't believe. I advise skinny people to stay away, for fear you might be next. Soon the fried egg sandwiches, sausages and hash browns will run out, and there is no McDonalds in line.

People have their applications with them, which makes me nervous as I didn't do that. I hope I have time to do a good job on it when I get inside.

8:54 am - Sun getting hot now. Secretly hoping about 150 people will give up. Not likely. Maybe I can sell Dairy Queen 2 blocks from here.

TV camera just filmed us but with about 10 seconds warning, so no time to get it recorded. My .04 seconds of fame have passed me by.

9:01 - Casting crew just arrived. Cameraman George says they are going to set up, do an interview with WKYC Cleveland, and then start bringing the fatties inside.

They are handing out free bottled water, probably to keep us from getting thin from sweating. I was smart enough to bring my own, and even smarter yet to not drink it so I don't have to give up my spot to pee! I wonder if they will wheel the portapotty by.

9:15 - casting guy out for an interview. Fatties sucking up like you wouldn't believe. I am lost in the crowd like a wallflower. Have to pee and sweaty. Am many things but not a suckup. Doomed.

9:25 casting guy interview complete, assume we are going inside soon. I wanted to ask about paperwork, but these folks are loud! They are currently handing out wristbands to the first row of people. I'm in the 2nd row. Getting hotter out by the second.

9:35 - sidewalk sausage vendor drove by. People cheered. I wish I was kidding. These people are not committed to weight loss, clearly.

9:45 2 guys in a pickup truck just mooned us. Good times, good times. Got my wristband, guaranteed a spot now! They are letting us in soon and I am super excited! What an awesome opportunity this is!

10am the line keeps moving but no one has gone in. Which means we are suffering Roller Coaster Syndrome - we are getting closer and closer together. Is that wise at this size/temperature?

10:15 line has moved significantly. Still a long way from the door. Getting hot and camera getting heavy. Both a small price to pay! Would stand here in 2 feet of snow naked. Now that I think about it, thatd be a good way to clear out the competition. Note to self, next time don't wear anything.

10:30 nothing new to report. Wish these people would work together and eclipse the sun. Cameraman George just left, so morning show must be over.

11 am - I'm in the home stretch of outsideness. Soon I will be out of the heat and not sweating. Sweating not a good look, not a good look at all. Especially in this ill-chosen sateen blouse.

11:30 - pizza guy just pulled in and the crowd said "awwwwww" as if they'd just missed winning both showcases by $2. Not sure how anyone would even consider eating pizza right now as its about 215 degrees and sunny out here. The people that cheated and got here before 6 have come out. They say they take you into groups of 10 for quick interviews. Not a lot of time to show how wonderful I am!

12pm - lunchtime! Smarty me brought apple chips to snack on, which took the edge off. There are about 30 ahead of me to the door. Its almost showtime!

12:50 I am in the air conditioning finally! I have filled out my paperwork and signed away my life! Still quite a line to get in, though. Will wait all day now, at least I'm out of the sun!

1:20 my group makes it in. They interview 10 of us in about 5 minutes. I was at fun as I know how without hogging the disucussion. She said we would hear back within 2 days.

Echoooo

Is this thing on?

I'm going to try to be better, I swear. :)

For starters, here's a fun challenge from ScrapFreak!


Name 5 favorite television shows: CSI, Young and the Restless, 24, LOST, Survivor

Name 4 favorite memories: Births of my babies, my grandmother waking me by singing, finding mr. wonderful, the first time we looked at this house

Name 3 things you want to do before you die: learn piano (working on it), learn to quilt, win something huge

Give 2 names that you would use NOW if you were going to have a new addition to the family: Isabelle Hope, Ryan Joseph

Name the one thing that you're working on now to improve your life: Renovating our house!

Potty Training Day One Report

Yep, it's that time! Potty training #5. Told dh he can do it, I did my 4. Haha.

He sat on the potty like the entire day, of his own free will, but nothing ever happened. Then he'd piddle a little in his pants. Not a full pee, just a tinkle.

Finally, near the end of the day, he went in the bathroom alone, shut the door, and peed on the potty.

Do you suppose he just wanted some privacy? LOL

He was wet this morning when he woke up, of course. He woke up saying NO MORE DIAPERS, which is why we're potty training him now. He refuses to wear diapers and is starting to refuse pullups, too. Which is all well and good, except he's not potty trained. He's peed in the potty already today (and told me he had to go) so I hope we've turned a corner! Of course, he hasn't pooped yet...so no telling what will happen with THAT.

I've never had them all out of diapers. It's scary and exciting!

I just want to be one of the cool kids...

So, yeah, I strongly suspect it wasn't me that Ginger tagged, because, well, anyone who reads my blog knows that I don't blog.

But, I'll answer anyway, just so I can feel cool and part of the in crowd and stuff since I've spent most of my life as the outcast, and now I think I see why.

DON'T JUDGE ME!

FAVORITE SNACK FOOD - Peanut M&Ms. Do those count? Too desserty? I like the sweet popcorns, Kettle Corn, Carmel Corn, there's a new butter and cinnamon one.. mmm. Sweet and Salty stuff! That's my final answer!

CATS OR DOGS & WHY - NOT an animal person AT ALL. 14 years of diapers has made me totally anti-things-that-poop-fart-eat-complain. I guess if I had to choose I'd take a dog since at least I could put it outside. But then it'd poop out there. DAMN I JUST DON'T KNOW.

COKE OR PEPSI - I rarely drink pop. I prefer Dr Pepper if I must. If I had to choose one of those two, I'd take pepsi. But really I just want my sweet tea. Is that too much to ask? These questions aren't letting me be me.

THREE PET PEEVES - (I asked my husband what my pet peeves were and he said "husbands... children... working". Asshole.) 1) Older kids on the playgrounds rough housing and making it dangerous for the little ones. Drives me NUTS. 2) Sock Balls. FFS people, undo your freakin socks. 3) Since Ginger had a scrapbooking one, I want one too. So I'll go with people saying *DROOL* when they see some new supply they want. Seriously. Who DROOLS? "YUMMY" is right up there, but not as annoying as DROOL.

THREE NEW THINGS THAT I'VE TRIED THIS YEAR - 1) The Waffle Bowl Sundaes at DQ. Good, but nothing to replace my peanut buster parfaits. Mmm sweet and salty. 2) Dieting. I suck at it. See #1. 3) Updating my blog. Suck at it. See #2. And #1.

I will tag: Any poor sucker who I manage to trick into reading this!

It's not about douches...

Ok, so I know that Manfred Mann isn't saying "wrapped up like a douche", even though it sure as hell sounds like it and I still sorta believe it might actually be true.

But, seriously. What the hell is this song about?

Take the following lyrics:


Madman drummers bummers,
Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat

What???

Some silicone sister with a manager mister told me I go what it takes

To be a pimp? What is a silicone sister?


And go-cart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart to see if it was safe outside
And little Early-Pearly came by in his curly-wurly and asked me if I needed a ride

This must have been after the acid drop. Or the song is being sung to a 6 month old. Hard to tell the difference.

Some brimstone baritone anticyclone rolling stone preacher from the east
Says, "Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone,
that's where they expect it least"

Riiiiiight. Is that english?


Some silicone sister with a manager mister told me I go what it takes
She said "I'll turn you on sonny to something strong"

Now she's a hooker with drugs.

That's it! Maybe it's about drugs. Or perhaps you need to be ON drugs to understand?

French Fries and Krispy Kremes

So, I went to the Fat Meeting last night. The informational seminar for bariatric surgery. I remember being 19 and seeing those commercials and thinking "Wow, who would ever get that fat?". Hrmph.

It was a couple towns over, at the Rec Center. I was a little freaked out when I pulled in and the building was HUGE. I have this weird fear of people and if anyone would have said "can I help you?" to me inside there, I probably would have run screaming and sucked my thumb in my car for 3 hours. I was hoping there would be a trail of french fries to the right room, but no such luck. Maybe I didn't get there early enough for them to still be there.

There were however, no shortage of fellow fatties to lead the way! So, I found my way to the room without incident or confrontation, and with both thumbs dry.

The lecture was 2 hours long, so luckily I had my Blackberry with me, so I could ignore everything they said and talk to Sheri about what it would be funny to do. Such things as:

Annouce that I'm ordering pizza and ask what everyone wants

Pass out Krispy Kremes (hey, it's right down the road!)

Bring scooters so all the fatties can zoom around the room for fun.

That last one was Sheri's idea, and I chuckled outloud right there in front of everyone when she said it. I don't think anyone heard me, though, since the lady net to me kept falling asleep and snoring loudly. I wish I was kidding.

Anyway, they did their pitch about gastric bypass vs. lap band and really pushed the bypass harder. I don't know why other than I'd imagine they have a bigger profit margin on it since there's less follow-up care involved.

I just barely qualify for the surgery, as I am just at the "Fat enough" point. There was a lot of talk about insurance companies requiring a 6 month medically supervised diet first. Which is all fine and well, except, if I went on a 6 month diet, I wouldn't be fat enough at the other end to qualify for the surgery. Which would be good, except I've already lost the weight twice and gained it back (don't judge me!), so that would be a lesson in futility.

I wanted to ask them what would happen in that case, but I was afraid I'd get lynched or eaten, so I waited until everyone left. Basically, the answer was, to not lose enough weight for that to happen. Right. Sandbag the diet. Gotcha!

I'm mostly sure my insurance isn't going to cover this. In fact, I expect they'll send a Fuck You letter back. Or say, "Sure, but you have a $38,000 deductible for that type of procedure." If I want to pay for it out of pocket, it will be a mere $17,000. (I want the lap band - apparently you can't eat sugar ever again with the bypass? I'm not sure I can live with that. Or that my family could live with ME if I wasn't allowed a bite of ice cream now and then!) She said they have installment plans, but even still, $17k is a lot of money. So, I will have to think on it. I have no doubt I want to get the surgery. I'd prefer not to die, and that's the direction I'm headed. My blood pressure is getting higher and higher!

They're supposed to call me in a week to let me know what the insurance company says.