If I Was President

Tummy tucks and boob lifts would be included in the price of child birth.

There would be 28 hours in a day. Except, women would legally be allowed to tranquilize their kids and spouses during the extra 4.

When Bill Gates, Oprah, The Waltons (from Wal-Mart, not Jon-Boy) would all be forced to contribute a gazillion dollars each that I would use to build big ass homeless shelters like hospitals. Anyone who needed one would get a room and 3 meals a day and health care. And I'd only skim a couple million dollars off the top for myself.

Stay at home mothers of more than 3 would get government provided weekly housecleaning. More than 4 would get a sitter/housekeeper 2 days a week.

Everyone on my block would plant flowers in the spring and water their lawns.

Everyone who doesn't speak english would have 3 hours to get the hell out. Anyone from any country would still be allowed to come here, but only if they learned how to speak english first. (I don't care how you feel about my rules, it's my blog and my pretend country, so shut it.)

My husband would get a trillion dollar a year raise.

It would be illegal to wear sandals without your feet being clean and pedicured. I do not need to see your dirty funky toes. And, the pedicure would need to be kept current. One fleck of polish remaining on your big toe does not qualify. To jail with you!

Clothing manufacturers would no longer be allowed to make anything revealing in any size bigger than 14, and even 14s would be subject to approval. No one wants to see flab hanging out of every opening of your tiny little top and skimpy skort. Stop it now. Furthermore, they would be required to make clothes 14+ actually attractive. Just because someone is overweight does not mean they are an 85 year old grandmother from biguglyflowerland.

All US citizens would be allowed to murder 1 person in their lifetime. Pick carefully.

Vote Angie 2008!