Anatomically Correct
I get my nails done roughly every 2 weeks, always at the same place. As I have been going to this same salon for 2 years now, I have gotten to know the staff, and even some of the customers pretty well. Some, perhaps, a little too well.
I love it when I go in and the owner, David, is flailing around dancing and singing loudly along with 'Like a Virgin'. That alone is worth the price of the nails. I love it when he gives one of the girls hell for the way she dresses, and when they tease him for being short. All in all, I have a very entertaining time at this salon.
Sometimes, though, it gets a little too personal.
One day, a couple of months ago, I started talking to a woman while our nails dried. Regular practice at the nail drying station. "How about this weather?" "Yep, crazy, I tell you!" "Did you hear they are putting a Bed, Bath and Beyond on North Court?" Etc. This particular woman seemed very well to do. Middle aged, or beyond, she was slender and made up, clothes looking very expensive and well thought out. Nary a dark root or grey hair showing through her perfectly blonde hair. She was also very soft spoken, and articulate. We talked about the fact that I have 5 kids, which seems to be the topic of conversation every time I go. If I didn't know 2 other families on this block with equal or greater number of kids than I have, I'd swear I was the only one in the county.
Eventually, and I can't remember how (you know, that whole brain blocking out the bad stuff thing), she began to start telling me about a recent surgery she'd had. Couldn't be a knee surgery, or even open heart surgery. Oh, no. This woman was telling me about VAGINA surgery. That was the word she used, vagina. Might have been more entertaining if she'd gone with cooter, hootch, vag, etc. She went on to tell me, in great (very great) detail about the reconstruction. It's all rather hazy now, thankfully, but there was rebuilding, something about mesh (I keep thinking Magic Mesh when I tell this story... which is only funny to scrapbookers, but funny nonetheless. So many uses for the Magic Mesh!).
I walked out of there, overshare almost weighing me down to the point of paralysis. Rushed home and immediately told GWH the entire story. He married me, if I gotta hear about old people cooter, so does he!
I've seen her in there a couple times since, and she's mentioned my 5 kids. Apparently having 5 kids makes me quite memorable. If only she knew the effect of vaginal description.
Earlier this week, GWH and I were chatting along as we drove down the main road on the same side of town as the nail salon. I looked over and saw this woman out for a stroll with her husband. I, of course, just had to point her out. And, what better way to do so than to announce:
LOOK! It's the woman with the VAGINA!
Go ahead, let that soak in a minute.
I'm not sure I've ever seen a look like that on his face. I hope I do again, someday. I bet I will, I have no shortage of totally moronic things to say.
I love it when I go in and the owner, David, is flailing around dancing and singing loudly along with 'Like a Virgin'. That alone is worth the price of the nails. I love it when he gives one of the girls hell for the way she dresses, and when they tease him for being short. All in all, I have a very entertaining time at this salon.
Sometimes, though, it gets a little too personal.
One day, a couple of months ago, I started talking to a woman while our nails dried. Regular practice at the nail drying station. "How about this weather?" "Yep, crazy, I tell you!" "Did you hear they are putting a Bed, Bath and Beyond on North Court?" Etc. This particular woman seemed very well to do. Middle aged, or beyond, she was slender and made up, clothes looking very expensive and well thought out. Nary a dark root or grey hair showing through her perfectly blonde hair. She was also very soft spoken, and articulate. We talked about the fact that I have 5 kids, which seems to be the topic of conversation every time I go. If I didn't know 2 other families on this block with equal or greater number of kids than I have, I'd swear I was the only one in the county.
Eventually, and I can't remember how (you know, that whole brain blocking out the bad stuff thing), she began to start telling me about a recent surgery she'd had. Couldn't be a knee surgery, or even open heart surgery. Oh, no. This woman was telling me about VAGINA surgery. That was the word she used, vagina. Might have been more entertaining if she'd gone with cooter, hootch, vag, etc. She went on to tell me, in great (very great) detail about the reconstruction. It's all rather hazy now, thankfully, but there was rebuilding, something about mesh (I keep thinking Magic Mesh when I tell this story... which is only funny to scrapbookers, but funny nonetheless. So many uses for the Magic Mesh!).
I walked out of there, overshare almost weighing me down to the point of paralysis. Rushed home and immediately told GWH the entire story. He married me, if I gotta hear about old people cooter, so does he!
I've seen her in there a couple times since, and she's mentioned my 5 kids. Apparently having 5 kids makes me quite memorable. If only she knew the effect of vaginal description.
Earlier this week, GWH and I were chatting along as we drove down the main road on the same side of town as the nail salon. I looked over and saw this woman out for a stroll with her husband. I, of course, just had to point her out. And, what better way to do so than to announce:
LOOK! It's the woman with the VAGINA!
Go ahead, let that soak in a minute.
I'm not sure I've ever seen a look like that on his face. I hope I do again, someday. I bet I will, I have no shortage of totally moronic things to say.
posted by Angie at 9:54 AM
1 Comments:
ROFL!!! OMG!!! I don't even know how to comment to this.... the last trip to the nail salon for me included glitter pushing... I'd die if I got into a conversation like THAT!!
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