Please make sure I'm REALLY dead.

Aside from my completely irrational fear of using the telephone (another post, another day), I also have one of not really being dead.

Since I don't like to limit myself, I'm not only afraid of being buried alive. Oh no, I'm afraid of all the things they might do to me when I'm not REALLY dead. Autopsy, organ harvesting, creamation, embalming, you name it.

When my mother died, they did a little bit TOO good a job with the makeup. She seriously didn't look dead, and I figured she'd be sitting up at any second, which creeped the shit out of me. I'm easy creeped, too.

When my grandmother died, I had a dream every night for a year that she wasn't actually dead and was REALLY mad that I'd gotten rid of all her stuff and sold her house.

I'm not sure if these 2 events are results of my paranoia, or contributed to it, but I swear I just get worse by the minute.

I've already told everyone who will listen that I don't want to be cremated. Just in case I'm not really dead. Just buying more time to wiggle my finger or something before they put me in the ground. Being buried alive doesn't sound that fun, but I figure it's gotta be better than being cremated alive. I'm also not an organ donor, for the same reason. I realize this makes me a bad person, but what if I'm not really dead?

GWH needs a cornea transplant. So, of course, we've been talking about the fact that someone has to die in order for him to be able to see out of that eye ever again. I like to tease him and tell him that he's going to have a smelly old lady eye, and he said he's going to give it a name and go around looking at people through it and saying things like "Marge doesn't like you". You would think that knowing someone who hopefully will be the receipient of the world's greatest gift would sway my decision about organ donation. And, I'll admit, as I get older and my likely hood of needing parts and things increases, I am starting to change my mind. Slowly.

We had the conversation last night. It of course started out with 'but what if I'm not really dead....?. So, just to prove that I'm being strong and changing my mind, I said "Well, they can have my heart, but not my corneas. What if I'm not really dead?"

GWH never misses his cue to make fun of me.

"So, you're not really dead, but they can have your heart?"

I guess I'd be really dead then, huh? Might as well go on ahead, take my corneas, and otherwise defile my corpse. But make sure you do my nails. I need to look my best when I don't have corneas anymore.