This That and Wine

Oh, btw!

2007-08-12T08:36:00.000-04:00

New weight loss support site I just set up:

http://wlfriends.com

Not too many people there now, but we can get it moving!

Contestant #145

2007-08-11T15:01:00.000-04:00

Today I did something nutty... I auditioned to be on The Biggest Loser 5!!

Here's a rundown of the process, compliments of 4 hours of boredom in the sun, and my trusty Blackberry!

8:15 - I arrive at WKYC in Downtown Cleveland after parking miles, ok fine BLOCKS away. At first rough count, I figure there are about 100 in line, later I calculate closer to 200. Who knows what the real number is, but I'm pretty sure less than 500. Will be pissed if I stand here for 3 hours and am 501st.

They said they would take individuals, but it seems most are here in teams. That makes me a bit uncomfortable. If they are doing a team episode, I definitely don't have a chance!

8:45 - I'm pretty sure that if Christopher bought 100 chairs and 100 pizzas, he could make an insane amount of money. People are eating like you wouldn't believe. I advise skinny people to stay away, for fear you might be next. Soon the fried egg sandwiches, sausages and hash browns will run out, and there is no McDonalds in line.

People have their applications with them, which makes me nervous as I didn't do that. I hope I have time to do a good job on it when I get inside.

8:54 am - Sun getting hot now. Secretly hoping about 150 people will give up. Not likely. Maybe I can sell Dairy Queen 2 blocks from here.

TV camera just filmed us but with about 10 seconds warning, so no time to get it recorded. My .04 seconds of fame have passed me by.

9:01 - Casting crew just arrived. Cameraman George says they are going to set up, do an interview with WKYC Cleveland, and then start bringing the fatties inside.

They are handing out free bottled water, probably to keep us from getting thin from sweating. I was smart enough to bring my own, and even smarter yet to not drink it so I don't have to give up my spot to pee! I wonder if they will wheel the portapotty by.

9:15 - casting guy out for an interview. Fatties sucking up like you wouldn't believe. I am lost in the crowd like a wallflower. Have to pee and sweaty. Am many things but not a suckup. Doomed.

9:25 casting guy interview complete, assume we are going inside soon. I wanted to ask about paperwork, but these folks are loud! They are currently handing out wristbands to the first row of people. I'm in the 2nd row. Getting hotter out by the second.

9:35 - sidewalk sausage vendor drove by. People cheered. I wish I was kidding. These people are not committed to weight loss, clearly.

9:45 2 guys in a pickup truck just mooned us. Good times, good times. Got my wristband, guaranteed a spot now! They are letting us in soon and I am super excited! What an awesome opportunity this is!

10am the line keeps moving but no one has gone in. Which means we are suffering Roller Coaster Syndrome - we are getting closer and closer together. Is that wise at this size/temperature?

10:15 line has moved significantly. Still a long way from the door. Getting hot and camera getting heavy. Both a small price to pay! Would stand here in 2 feet of snow naked. Now that I think about it, thatd be a good way to clear out the competition. Note to self, next time don't wear anything.

10:30 nothing new to report. Wish these people would work together and eclipse the sun. Cameraman George just left, so morning show must be over.

11 am - I'm in the home stretch of outsideness. Soon I will be out of the heat and not sweating. Sweating not a good look, not a good look at all. Especially in this ill-chosen sateen blouse.

11:30 - pizza guy just pulled in and the crowd said "awwwwww" as if they'd just missed winning both showcases by $2. Not sure how anyone would even consider eating pizza right now as its about 215 degrees and sunny out here. The people that cheated and got here before 6 have come out. They say they take you into groups of 10 for quick interviews. Not a lot of time to show how wonderful I am!

12pm - lunchtime! Smarty me brought apple chips to snack on, which took the edge off. There are about 30 ahead of me to the door. Its almost showtime!

12:50 I am in the air conditioning finally! I have filled out my paperwork and signed away my life! Still quite a line to get in, though. Will wait all day now, at least I'm out of the sun!

1:20 my group makes it in. They interview 10 of us in about 5 minutes. I was at fun as I know how without hogging the disucussion. She said we would hear back within 2 days.

Echoooo

2007-07-28T00:03:00.001-04:00

Is this thing on?

I'm going to try to be better, I swear. :)

For starters, here's a fun challenge from ScrapFreak!

Name 5 favorite television shows: CSI, Young and the Restless, 24, LOST, Survivor

Name 4 favorite memories: Births of my babies, my grandmother waking me by singing, finding mr. wonderful, the first time we looked at this house

Name 3 things you want to do before you die: learn piano (working on it), learn to quilt, win something huge

Give 2 names that you would use NOW if you were going to have a new addition to the family: Isabelle Hope, Ryan Joseph

Name the one thing that you're working on now to improve your life: Renovating our house!

Potty Training Day One Report

2007-05-27T08:59:00.000-04:00

Yep, it's that time! Potty training #5. Told dh he can do it, I did my 4. Haha.

He sat on the potty like the entire day, of his own free will, but nothing ever happened. Then he'd piddle a little in his pants. Not a full pee, just a tinkle.

Finally, near the end of the day, he went in the bathroom alone, shut the door, and peed on the potty.

Do you suppose he just wanted some privacy? LOL

He was wet this morning when he woke up, of course. He woke up saying NO MORE DIAPERS, which is why we're potty training him now. He refuses to wear diapers and is starting to refuse pullups, too. Which is all well and good, except he's not potty trained. He's peed in the potty already today (and told me he had to go) so I hope we've turned a corner! Of course, he hasn't pooped yet...so no telling what will happen with THAT.

I've never had them all out of diapers. It's scary and exciting!

I just want to be one of the cool kids...

2007-05-10T19:34:00.000-04:00

So, yeah, I strongly suspect it wasn't me that Ginger tagged, because, well, anyone who reads my blog knows that I don't blog.

But, I'll answer anyway, just so I can feel cool and part of the in crowd and stuff since I've spent most of my life as the outcast, and now I think I see why.

DON'T JUDGE ME!

FAVORITE SNACK FOOD - Peanut M&Ms. Do those count? Too desserty? I like the sweet popcorns, Kettle Corn, Carmel Corn, there's a new butter and cinnamon one.. mmm. Sweet and Salty stuff! That's my final answer!

CATS OR DOGS & WHY - NOT an animal person AT ALL. 14 years of diapers has made me totally anti-things-that-poop-fart-eat-complain. I guess if I had to choose I'd take a dog since at least I could put it outside. But then it'd poop out there. DAMN I JUST DON'T KNOW.

COKE OR PEPSI - I rarely drink pop. I prefer Dr Pepper if I must. If I had to choose one of those two, I'd take pepsi. But really I just want my sweet tea. Is that too much to ask? These questions aren't letting me be me.

THREE PET PEEVES - (I asked my husband what my pet peeves were and he said "husbands... children... working". Asshole.) 1) Older kids on the playgrounds rough housing and making it dangerous for the little ones. Drives me NUTS. 2) Sock Balls. FFS people, undo your freakin socks. 3) Since Ginger had a scrapbooking one, I want one too. So I'll go with people saying *DROOL* when they see some new supply they want. Seriously. Who DROOLS? "YUMMY" is right up there, but not as annoying as DROOL.

THREE NEW THINGS THAT I'VE TRIED THIS YEAR - 1) The Waffle Bowl Sundaes at DQ. Good, but nothing to replace my peanut buster parfaits. Mmm sweet and salty. 2) Dieting. I suck at it. See #1. 3) Updating my blog. Suck at it. See #2. And #1.

I will tag: Any poor sucker who I manage to trick into reading this!

It's not about douches...

2007-05-02T07:38:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I know that Manfred Mann isn't saying "wrapped up like a douche", even though it sure as hell sounds like it and I still sorta believe it might actually be true.

But, seriously. What the hell is this song about?

Take the following lyrics:

Madman drummers bummers,
Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat

What???

Some silicone sister with a manager mister told me I go what it takes

To be a pimp? What is a silicone sister?

And go-cart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart to see if it was safe outside
And little Early-Pearly came by in his curly-wurly and asked me if I needed a ride

This must have been after the acid drop. Or the song is being sung to a 6 month old. Hard to tell the difference.

Some brimstone baritone anticyclone rolling stone preacher from the east
Says, "Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone,
that's where they expect it least"

Riiiiiight. Is that english?

Some silicone sister with a manager mister told me I go what it takes
She said "I'll turn you on sonny to something strong"

Now she's a hooker with drugs.

That's it! Maybe it's about drugs. Or perhaps you need to be ON drugs to understand?

French Fries and Krispy Kremes

2007-04-17T13:58:00.000-04:00

So, I went to the Fat Meeting last night. The informational seminar for bariatric surgery. I remember being 19 and seeing those commercials and thinking "Wow, who would ever get that fat?". Hrmph.

It was a couple towns over, at the Rec Center. I was a little freaked out when I pulled in and the building was HUGE. I have this weird fear of people and if anyone would have said "can I help you?" to me inside there, I probably would have run screaming and sucked my thumb in my car for 3 hours. I was hoping there would be a trail of french fries to the right room, but no such luck. Maybe I didn't get there early enough for them to still be there.

There were however, no shortage of fellow fatties to lead the way! So, I found my way to the room without incident or confrontation, and with both thumbs dry.

The lecture was 2 hours long, so luckily I had my Blackberry with me, so I could ignore everything they said and talk to Sheri about what it would be funny to do. Such things as:

Annouce that I'm ordering pizza and ask what everyone wants

Pass out Krispy Kremes (hey, it's right down the road!)

Bring scooters so all the fatties can zoom around the room for fun.

That last one was Sheri's idea, and I chuckled outloud right there in front of everyone when she said it. I don't think anyone heard me, though, since the lady net to me kept falling asleep and snoring loudly. I wish I was kidding.

Anyway, they did their pitch about gastric bypass vs. lap band and really pushed the bypass harder. I don't know why other than I'd imagine they have a bigger profit margin on it since there's less follow-up care involved.

I just barely qualify for the surgery, as I am just at the "Fat enough" point. There was a lot of talk about insurance companies requiring a 6 month medically supervised diet first. Which is all fine and well, except, if I went on a 6 month diet, I wouldn't be fat enough at the other end to qualify for the surgery. Which would be good, except I've already lost the weight twice and gained it back (don't judge me!), so that would be a lesson in futility.

I wanted to ask them what would happen in that case, but I was afraid I'd get lynched or eaten, so I waited until everyone left. Basically, the answer was, to not lose enough weight for that to happen. Right. Sandbag the diet. Gotcha!

I'm mostly sure my insurance isn't going to cover this. In fact, I expect they'll send a Fuck You letter back. Or say, "Sure, but you have a $38,000 deductible for that type of procedure." If I want to pay for it out of pocket, it will be a mere $17,000. (I want the lap band - apparently you can't eat sugar ever again with the bypass? I'm not sure I can live with that. Or that my family could live with ME if I wasn't allowed a bite of ice cream now and then!) She said they have installment plans, but even still, $17k is a lot of money. So, I will have to think on it. I have no doubt I want to get the surgery. I'd prefer not to die, and that's the direction I'm headed. My blood pressure is getting higher and higher!

They're supposed to call me in a week to let me know what the insurance company says.

Bitches be Trippin'!

2007-04-11T09:02:00.000-04:00

I've apparently been tagged... twice. So, let it not be said that I didn't respond. ;)

Top 10 Reasons I Hate Being Tagged!

1) No one cares about my top 10 lists
2) I have no time to list stuff
3) I don't like 10 of anything
4) I'd rather be shopping
5) I'd rather be eating
6) I'd rather be eating while shopping
7) I'd rather be sleeping
8) I wonder why I'm fat
9) I have no one to tag back because no one reads this anyway
10) Just cuz.

5 Things That Make Me Smile

1) Sean saying "shake your booey (bootie)"
2) A clean house... I think. Haven't ever seen it!
3) My camera
4) My studio
5) Blah blah husband and kids blah blah

I'm not tagging anyone back, because the only people who read this already have been. So there, I broke your chain. Whatcha gonna do about it????

The TV Saga - Part 2

2007-03-01T10:21:00.000-05:00

As you may or may not know, I threw a TV at myself. Here's the story, in case you forgot.

As I probably mentioned a couple (hundred) times, I just got a new photo studio! It's an old house with a lot of character. Anyway...

We bought this super cool celery green leather furniture for the sitting area, and a round table with barstools to sit around and look at proofs. I wanted a TV with cable in there for people (read: me) to sit and watch from the comfy green couch (not to be mistaken for the PBS show). The cable guy had come and hooked that up, so we went and got a TV (24" and weighs more than some small countries). I wanted it mounted way high up on the wall like when you go to the doctor.

Yesterday I was supposed to have a session there, and this TV was just sitting on the floor where my very expensive table and stool set was supposed to be. After all the work I did getting that place presentable to clients, this was driving me batty. So I figured I'd just mount the TV.

I got the mounting bracket attached to the wall without too much drama (despite the 4" long BOLTS that I had to screw in with an allan wrench... wth...). Once that was done, all that was left to do was put the TV up there.

(FYI: This is where it turns into a raging case of Do Not Try This At Home).

Obviously, the shelf on the bracket where this tv goes, is WELL over my head. Even on the top step of my 3 step ladder, still over my head.

I picked up the tv and climbed my brave little step ladder. I huffed and puffed and lifted the bulky TV over my head. I was about 3 inches from getting it on the shelf when... You guessed it... The ladder broke.

So, there I was, crumpled heap on the floor. Pain in just about every extremity. Couldn't move. Couldn't get up. Kept thinking "OH my god, THE NEW TV". Nevermind the broken knee/arm/foot/elbow, but THE NEW TV!

Finally I hobbled over to the couch to check my damages. Aside from some strained muscles and a bunch of brusies, everything seemed to be where it belonged (the knee of my pants has a nice stain color sample from the wood trim, should I ever need to match it, though!). Then back over to the TV. The case is pretty banged up, but it still works.

That happened at the end of November. As you may have noticed, it is now March. March 1st, in fact, first day of us not having insurance, and also the day I selected to FINALLY see the doctor about my shoulder.

The doctor seems to think that there is nothing SERIOUSLY wrong with it, but that I likely need to get some physical therapy (who the hell has time for that?). Her first plan was moist heat / pain killers, but I reminded her that I've been trying the "it will get better" approach for quite some time now. And that if I need surgery, I want it now rather than later so I can heal up and be ready to go back to work before spring. So, we did the xray, and depending on what that says, I should know by tomorrow what the plan is.

Anyway, the point of this story is yet to come. She gave me a bag of samples of Celebrex to help in the meantime. I wanted to check if they cause drowsiness before I took one, since with toddlers here, obviously I can't be passed out on the couch in a pool of my own drool. So, I open the instructions and the first thing my eye catches is highlighted in yellow.

The shoulder isn't THAT bad!

WHAT THE HELL

2007-02-20T12:29:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I've got no better title for this entry. I've got no more articulate response for what just happened, and I've got nothing better to say than WHAT THE HELL.

It's in the 40°s today. Normally I'd consider that "omg it's 40°, might die of frozen!". But, as it's been ZERO lately, 40° is damn near a heatwave. As such, I thought it would be a good idea to wash my car. Usually when there's an above freezing day in the middle of arctic ones, the line for the car wash is about 285 cars long.

I was surprised and happy to find only one person in line, and she was about to pull in! Hooray! Ya right.

It is one of those automatic car washes... you pay at the kiosk and then pull in and it washes and blows you. Not the best wash around, but easy and I don't have to deal with any humans... irony to follow. While the car ahead of me is getting lathered up, I pay with my debit card and then wait for her to finish.

The woman in front of me finishes and pulls out, and I pull in. Hmm... chassis wash isn't on... strange. I back up a little. Nothing. I back up a tad more. HOOOONNNNNNKKKK. Yes, stupid lady, I see you there. My van is 42x nicer than yours, so rest assured I had no intentions of slamming into you. She won't budge. The car wash still isn't on. I'm thinking that maybe I need to back out to reset it or something.

So I get out of my van in the middle of the carwash bay (hoping it doesn't pick now to start) to explain to the woman behind me that I need to back out of the bay to let it reset so that I can get my car washed.

She says "Oh. Well, I've just paid, so I can't back up".

.....................?

I reply "Yes, I paid, too."

She says "Oh." and rolls her window up.

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL???

This is about as close as I've come to reaching inside someone's car and smashing their face against the steering wheel 500, no, 600 times. I had no choice but to pull forward, go around, and then get in line behind her. At this point, I'm figuring she's getting my wash and I'll get hers, and other than the extra 10 minutes I've wasted, it'll all work out.

Of course, then it's giving her problems and she's starting to back up. I backed up and let her. Til the day I die I will wonder why I didn't just roll my window down and say "Oh. I've just paid. I can't back up." But, nope. I backed up.

And, when she pulled out, the kiosk lovingly said to me "Select Payment Type"

Oh.My.God.

My car is not washed, my blood pressure is 250/200, and I swear to God if I ever see that woman again, I might kill her.

How is your day?

FYI

2007-02-19T17:04:00.000-05:00

Tuesday 2/13: Snow Day
Wednesday 2/14: Snow Day
Thursday 2/15: SCHOOL
Friday 2/16: No School
Saturday 2/17: No School
Sunday 2/18: No School
Monday 2/19: No School
Tuesday 2/20: Margaritas at Noon at my house.

People who homeschool are weird. I'm sooooo ready for these antsy little fuckers to go back!!!

Damn You.

2007-02-04T19:21:00.000-05:00

For tagging me. I considered pretending I didn't read it, but then you'd be all OMG PARANOID, so I figured I'd better answer.

A=Available - for induction into the looney bin
B=Best Friend - Chardonnay (lol)
C=Cake or pie - Cake
D=Drink of choice - Sweet tea
E=Essential item you use everyday - computerS!
F=Favourite color - pink
G=Gummy bears or worms - bears, and I loooove em!
H=Hometown - Royal Oak Michigan
I= Indulgences - Dairy Queen, Pedicures, Hot Tub... I have lots LOL
J= January or February - February... closer to May
K=Kids and names - Alec Tyler, Cody Nicholas, Lauren Grace, Noah Lucas, Sean Christopher
L=Life is incomplete without - snuggles
M=Marriage date - Feb 20, 2004
N=Number of siblings - 2 half sisters, different halves (mother and father each had another)
O=Oranges or apples - Oranges. Hate apples.
P=Phobias or Fears - I'm afraid of everything that moves. LOL
Q=Favourite Quote - Any of them that don't spell favorite with a U. ;)
S=Season - Spring for the flowers
T=Tag 3 or 4 people - No one reads these damn things (except suckers like me, apparently)
U=Unknown fact about me - I was raised by my grandparents
V=Vegetable you don't like - I don't think there are any I don't like!
W= Worst habit - According to dh, it's leaving my Sweet n Low wrapper on the counter after I mix my coffee, but what the hell does he care, I'm the one that cleans the counter!
X=X-rays - I'm sure I have, but I don't remember of what/when
Y=Your favorite food - Mexican
Z= Zodiac Sign - Virgo like the Virgin I am!

Overheard

2007-01-25T19:40:00.000-05:00

Things you might hear if you were at a table near us at the restaurant tonight.

Alec: "Wouldn't it be cool if dad were a leprechaun?"

Cody: "Mom? Would you be mad if I put my face under the ice cream machine and just drank it like that?"

Noah: "I have to go POOOOOOOOP*"

*said in loudest imaginable voice

My life got a little shorter today.

2007-01-22T13:52:00.000-05:00

As previously mentioned, Sean has graduated into a big boy bed. Not without some resistance, mind you. It takes about 20 minutes of back and forthing to get him to stay there, and he may or may not periodically get up during the night. One night, he woke at 1 am and began opening doors to bedrooms. "Hello?! I'm awake, it's time to play!"

Last night, he stayed in bed all night. "ahh..." I thought as I awoke and he wasn't standing in my doorway.

Then I went into his room to get him... and he wasn't there. He wasn't in the livingroom, or kitchen. He didn't respond when I called his name. Checked the other kids beds, no sign of him. As my mind reels with visions of him dead on the porch from hypothermia, I hear GWH say "what are you doing?".

The little asshole was on the basement stairs with a fortune cookie and a pair of scissors trying to get it open.

I wonder if I am going to survive his childhood.

The End of an Era

2007-01-19T07:34:00.000-05:00

14 years ago this month: I was 22, newly married, and hugely pregnant. (Do the math if you must, sheesh. Prudes.) We were living in my ex's grandmother's house (she wasn't there, she'd lost her mind and gone to nursing care). It was a small little ranch style house, no basement. The master bedroom was still hers, and the door was locked. I suppose I could have opened it if I wanted to, but I am not nosy enough to invade someone's privacy THAT bad. That left us with the 2 smaller bedrooms. Anyway, the point of this story being... I was hugely pregnant. My life revolved around readying the nursery, and praying for labor. I was due February 7th, so by this point, I was MORE than ready.

We had our crib set up, the room painted, everything ready for a new era: Parenthood.

Last night: My littlest boy slept in his big boy bed for the first time. No more crib.

Fourteen years of babies. This is the first time I haven't had a crib in the house* since 1993! That is pretty much my entire adult life.** Truly the end of an era as there will be NO MORE babies if I can help it!

Look at my precious boy (who woke up at 6:30am, got out of bed, walked to the gate in his doorway and announced his presence. This isn't going to be all it is cracked up to be, I fear.)

Taken on auto with popup flash as my real flash was at the studio, and I wasn't about to turn on a light and wake him up! :P

*Ok, Ok, it is still in the house. Give me some creative license here.
**Yes, I realize adulthood officially begins at 18. I'm a slow learner.

Photo Blog

2007-01-18T14:13:00.000-05:00

So, as usual I'm late... But I started a 2007 Photo A Day blog. Call it fashionably late.

http://2007photo.blogspot.com

Stop by sometime :)

I am Full of Good Ideas

2007-01-09T19:36:00.000-05:00

Things I would invent, if I could.

A bathtub that stays full. Like a hottub for kids. Except to bathe in. Of course, it would have some kind of fancy pants filtration system, because a tub full of dirty kid soap water is really not a winner. Also, the tub would not be on the floor, it would be built up taller so that I could bathe a baby without needing chiropractic services.

A clothes dryer that folds the clothes. No, wait... Kids that actually put them away right* would be even better. I can wash, dry, fold all day long, but putting it away is my nemesis.

A self-cleaning house. Duh.

A self-emptying garbage can for the car. You know, you put the garbage in and then it disappears never to be seen again, like when you poo on an airplane.

Voice activated Blogger. I normally think of clever and witty things to blog about while I'm walking up the stairs (clearly NOT with laundry) or driving in the car or playing Parcheesi or something. I need a little device that I could just speak my undoubtedly profound thoughts into and POOF a blog entry.

*Right meaning actually in the carefully labeled drawers** where they belong and not in a big heap at the bottom of the closet.
**Yes I labeled their drawers.

I'm a total sap.

2007-01-09T08:24:00.000-05:00

GWH is out of town for training. The class was Wed-Fri of last week and then Monday and Tuesday of this week. He's paying all of his own expenses. He was going to fly back home for the weekend, but I figured it was more trouble than it would be worth for him to pack, check out, turn rental car in, fly home, etc just to go back on Sunday night and do it all over again. So, I told him to stay.

Sunday I realized that 5 days was as long as we'd ever been apart, and this is 7. So the last 2 days I'm all sappy and pathetic.

Last night he called, and as soon as I heard his voice, I just started crying. Yes, I'm that sappy and pathetic.

Then this morning I woke up crying from a dream that the owner of my studio had found someone to rent it for more than I was paying. She hadn't bothered to tell us, it was just occupied one day when I got there. And he'd painted my orange wall! The nerve!

So anyway, send ice cream and chocolates.

Just sayin'

2007-01-04T17:44:00.000-05:00

I got all that laundry put away.

Things I'd Like to Accomplish in 2007

2006-12-28T09:14:00.000-05:00

Not resolutions, because I plan on working on them past January ;)

Totally redo the upstairs bathroom, even if 1 bit at a time

Have kitchen cabinets refaced

Have a hardwood floor installed on first floor.

Learn Corel Painter

Make enough money to pay for studio :P

Lose 20 pounds (need to lose more, but 20 pounds is a start)

Get stumps dug out of yard (will need to wait til Spring for this one!)

Finish painting at studio

Decorate Guest Room

Blog more regularly :P

Ahh December 26th

2006-12-26T07:40:00.000-05:00

That day couldn't come fast enough. :)

It's all over but the mess. Kids got way too much, I was way too spoiled, ate too much, drank not enough, etc.

Today I plan to make Ice Cream in my new ice cream maker (mmmm), clean house a bunch and maybe make some cinnamon rolls for the neighborhood, although I might put that off a couple days and make it a New Years thing.

Must get the carpets clean this week, which means I have to FIND the carpets under the kids crap. Hopefully you'll see me again.

You can thank me later

2006-12-21T21:44:00.000-05:00

Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars

1 3/4 c powdered sugar
1 1/2 c brown sugar
1 1/2 c peanut butter
1/4 c melted butter

12 oz bag chocolate chips
1/4 c butter

Mix powdered sugar, brown sugar, peanut butter and 1/4 c melted butter. Spread in wax paper lined 9x13 pan. Melt chocolate chips with other 1/4 cup butter. Spread on peanut butter mixture; chill. Cut into squares.

This Will Floor You

2006-12-21T08:19:00.000-05:00

K, not really.

I'm posting because I feel all guilty about abandoning my poor blog. And someone has to take care of me when I'm old and can't wipe my own butt. I had 5 kids to try to up the chances of one of them actually being willing, but in case they aren't, hopefully I can fall back on my blog.

Since I rarely have anything to say that I feel strongly enough about to bother typing up (be glad you don't have to be in the same room as me, I'm definitley not too lazy to talk), lets talk about floors.

In our old house, the kitchen and dining room were like one big rectangle. Ok more like a small rectangle. But, still one area. They were covered in this lovely (yeah, right) linoleum. I guess certainly not the ugliest linoleum I'd ever seen, as the house had been owned by investors, who replaced it just before we moved in. They weren't very good investors, because that house was a complete piece of crap, but not really the point of my little story here.

The linoleum was offensive even when brand new, but after 4 years with kids, it was just the bane of my existence (right below the leaking pipes in the basement, which believe it or not, tie into this story). Everytime I walked through that kitchen, I wished I had a laminate wood floor in there instead of hideously ugly linoleum with gashes out of it where the cabinet doors flew out of their groove and knocked gashes (they were these stupid sliding wood doors... ugh that entire kitchen, my blood pressure is going up just thinking about it).

The other major problem in that house was that the pipes leading down from the kitchen sink into the basement were leaky. You can only imagine the lovely smell as the dirty dish water leaked into the basement and then festered under the floor tiles. Mmm. During a manic episode, we chisled all that nasty tile out, so at least we only had a food covered subfloor from then on, but UGH. Right in front of the washer and dryer was this disgusting mess. Made doing laundry that much more enticing.

So, one day, during another manic episode, (if I could make these things come more often, my house would be in fantastic shape)I decided I was going to fix these damn pipes once and for all. Of to Home Depot to buy the PVC cement and purple primer I went! Got home, tore all of those pipes out (which like weren't even hardy connected NO WONDER THEY LEAKED) and got to work. With great ease I got all the ones in the basement cemented and reconnected. All that was left to do was the final connection under the sink in the kitchen. I got that one reconnected, and as I turned to start cleaning up after myself...

I knocked over the purple primer.

All over the lovely linoleum floor.

That is not coming out, no sense even trying.

So, that's How I Got My New Laminate Floor in the kitchen. Or My $1100 Plumbing Project. You choose.

Fast forward to current times. Our current house has carpet everywhere. And when I say everywhere... There is ONE room in this house that isn't carpeted. A bathroom. Even the other 2 bathrooms and the KITCHEN have carpet. The kitchen carpet is teal with pink flowers. I swear. I've thought often about having a nice laminate wood floor in there. Or maybe, even hardwood! But, since the kitchen opens on both ends to the living and dining room, maybe we should just get hardwood throughout the entire first floor, huh? Yeah... that's 1100 square feet x $4 sq ft just for the wood + $47m for the labor... Nevermind, maybe a new house.

Last night, on our way up to bed, GWH dropped a glass of red wine. Did I mention that the living room and stair carpet is white? Yeah, it's white. I stood there in shock looking at the carnage and thought to myself... Time for my hardwood floor?

To Do - Add On

2006-10-19T19:44:00.000-04:00

I was just going to add this to the other to do list, but the sheer magnitude of me adding this chore to my list of things that I actually intend to do cannot be denied.

Only if you truly know me can you appreciate what I'm about to say.

Iron

BTW - CONTEST UNDERWAY!

2006-10-18T10:22:00.000-04:00

http://www.sassacraft.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=1218

The first challenge is up in the 8 week contest at Sassacraft. I'm giving away TONS of prizes... $100 GC, $50 GC, 6 month kit subscription, and who knows what else.

So, come play! It's going to be a blast!

Just to prove..

2006-10-18T09:36:00.000-04:00

that I really AM working on that to-do list...

Before/After of my linen closet.

And so what if I used my ptouch label maker to label what sizes the sheets and pillowcases are. SO WHAT.

Bitches Be Trippin'

2006-10-16T09:03:00.000-04:00

I have a confession to make. I am a soccer mom. And I drive a minivan. And I'm crazy. I've recently realized that one leads to the other. I can't decide which comes first, the soccer or the crazy, but let me tell you, it's there.

3 of my kids played soccer this fall. My youngest soccer boy is 4. I affectionately call this age group The Cattle League. There's really no passing or shooting or dribbling or ball handling of any kind. They run around in packs of 6 (3 from each side) chasing the ball, and then kicking it in whatever direction they happen to be facing. Or, in Noah's case, packs of 5, with him running behind because heaven forbid he get involved. The parents cheer and laugh and fun is had by all.

I have another boy in soccer, aged 9. At that age, they actually pass the ball, stay in their positions and seem to grasp the concept of the game. Even still, the parents are laid back and just enjoy the game. They are not above yelling "Great save, goalie!" even if the goalie just prevented their kid from scoring. They laugh together when one boy sticks his butt out and starts rubbing it. (I'm very proud.) They cheer the kids on as far as "take it down" "way to go" "good pass" etc, but don't take it upon themselves to give instructions or bark orders, they leave that to the coaches.

Then, there's my daughter's bracket. She's 7. SEVEN. Their skill level is somewhere between the 4 and the 9. They pass, they shoot... they don't stop that many goals, so they are usually rather high scoring games. It's the parents that blow my mind. I know it's not the age, because if at 9 they aren't that competitive, they sure aren't at 7. My conclusion is that mother's of girls are C-R-A-Z-Y. Case in point: Pageant Moms. You've seen those nutcases on Dr. Phil, surely. Fake teeth, fake hair, plastic surgery, etc etc, just so their kid will WIN. I don't know if these mothers were beaten as children, or ugly, or fat or WHAT, but holy crap they are nuts.

I had the misfortune of arriving semi-late and the only place to set up my chair ended up being between 2 of the mothers from the team my daughter was facing. No big deal for any other game, I certainly don't feel the need to spit in the face of the opposing team's fans or anything, it's just a recreational soccer league. No playoffs, no "champion", they don't even really keep score that closely. Let me tell you this... These.Bitches.Were.Nuts.

They did not stop screaming the entire game. My daughter's team lost like 8-1 or something like that. No big deal, none of them were upset by it, I certainly don't feel defeated, etc. I will admit that when a game is close, I get more involved than I would in an 8-1 game, regardless of who has the 8. But these parents, holy smokes! And the coach! Did not stop yelling at these girls the ENTIRE game. And I don't mean "good job, honey!" "great defense!" or anything like that. I mean YELLING AT THEM. Even when they were up 5-0. YELLING AT THEM. Scolding them for not doing what they felt they should. I felt horrible for these girls, they were obviously playing well, since they were winning by a hundred or so goals. Why not ease up on them and let them enjoy the rest of the game? Clearly they were insane. On a side note: What is the point of yelling "KICK IT!!" at a soccer game. As if they never thought of that. "Ohhhh... I could KICK it!!! What a GREAT idea, Thanks Mom!!" Idiots, all of 'em.

On another side note: The coach's daughter scored her very first goal during this game. We were losing about 8-0 at this point, so the goal she scored wasn't the game winner, really had no impact on the game at all. But her dad, the coach, was so excited that he RAN out on to the field after she scored and scooped her up in his arms to congratulate her. I'm getting weepy just typing this out.

That is what this should be all about. That was damn near about the sweetest thing I've ever seen happen in a soccer game. And, in my opinion, how it should be. Stop yelling at your daughters, and cheer them on... win or lose.

Yearly Update

2006-10-12T14:52:00.000-04:00

Ok, not really. Seems like it though, eh?

I'm ashamed to say I haven't ~~completed~~ started that to do list. Well, I got 80% off the laundry away, but that's it. I swear I do stuff! Like, last night, we spent a couple hours cleaning Cody's closet... You know, the place where you hide everything when told to clean your room.

So, what's news? Hmm..

Well, for starters, GWH is kicking me out of the house. Take your crap and get the hell out of here, he says. He wants me to get a photo studio so my stuff isn't taking up the whole house anymore. :) Ideally, he wants me to get a big enough space that I can take all the scrapbooking stuff with me, too. I will admit, the idea is exciting. The place we're looking at would be perfect if it pans out. I'm starting to have some doubts, but I'll find out for sure tomorrow when I go look at it.

While we're on the topic of my business... big news for my OTHER business - Sassacraft. BIG stuff going on over there.

First of all, a HUGE contest started today. Winner gets a 12 month subscription for FREE! Just for referring their friends and relatives and paper boy to our kit club. Most points wins, see the site for details.

AND another HUGE contest starting on Monday. A weekly challenge for 8 weeks. Voting. Polls. Hidden surprises. And MORE. We're giving away a DT spot, $100, a 6 month kit sub, a $50 kit sub and other prizes throughout.

Typing all that out makes me wonder if I'm sane. I might be out of business by the end of this, but by golly we'll have fun!

Check out the forums for more details/rules/fine print/etc.

http://www.sassacraft.com/phpbb2/index.php

No time for a personal life lately with all that's going on with my 2 passions - Photography and Scrapbooking - taking up so much! Life is fun!

To Do!

2006-10-06T07:42:00.000-04:00

Now that Sean is in daycare 3 mornings a week and I am down to 1 kid for most of the day (that's sad... getting excited because I only have ONE kid to deal with... lol), I have compiled a list of things I want to get done.

This is probably a list for the remainder of 2006. Or the remainder of the 2000s.

~~Put laundry away (neverending... but I'm more behind than usual)~~ BOOYA!
~~Clean out hall closet (would you think less of me if I told you the kids backpacks from last day of last year are still in there all stuffed to the gills?)~~
~~Organize linen closet (sean had his way with it)~~
Clean scrap area (ugh, that's a year long project right there)
~~Clean den (another never ending job)~~(and got table!)
~~Get rid of old dishes (Freecycle)~~
Clean Laundry Room
Organize/Purge basement (usually do this while older kids not here so they don't know I'm throwing away all their stuff)
Go through closet and make goodwill bags (getting rid of alot... My new thin body will be getting new clothes! :D)
Sort receipts for both businesses
~~Do Circle Journals~~

More to be added, I'm sure.

Not only am I a bad blogger...

2006-10-04T07:57:00.000-04:00

I'm also a rotten mother.

Today, my sweet angel boy (I can say that since he's not here, ask me again tomorrow) started day care.

Not because I am working and needed someone to care for him.

But just because I'm a bad mother.

He's a very... extreme child. Independant, head strong, etc etc. All very good traits when one is an adult in the business world. But very difficult on everyone involved when one is a toddler. He also gets lonely during the day while the older kids are at school. Momma is not as exciting as beating up your older siblings, it seems.

So, we looked into a couple mornings a week of child care. First stop was this place literally around the corner. So close that the other kids pass it on their walk to school. I was sold at "we're working on potty training". You see, I have never had all my kids out of diapers. That's 13 years and 8 months of diapers so far. Even at 1 package of diapers and 1 package of wipes a week, that adds up to.. the value of a small island off the coast of Sri Lanka. Not to mention all the poop. Tired of poop. Idea of having no more diapers in my life... You just can't put a price on that.

So, he now attends MWF from 7:40-12:40. I will pick him up and then drop Noah off at preschool and then Sean will nap. It wasn't much more to let him stay the whole day, but it seems pointless when he's going to be sleeping. GWH drops him off in the morning on his way to work, so that's even aggravation for me loading kids into the car in order to take him.

This morning I will admit I was a little freaked out. How would he handle it? Would he scream? Was I destroying my baby for life??? My boy is one extreme or the other, to be sure. Yesterday he screamed for 15 minutes in Staples because I made him sit in the front of the cart instead of the basket part. Asshole mother. So you can imagine what I expected from "here, go into this strange place and we'll see you later, good luck!". But, apparently, he found some toys and was like "whatever. why are you still here?", to the amazement of even the staff. Go figure.

I have a 756 item to do list that I can't wait to get started on!

Baby's First Stitches

2006-09-05T12:48:00.000-04:00

5 kids. I made it 5 kids without taking one to the ER for stitches. I guess you can still say that's true, as he didn't actually get stitches, but the fact remains... Bloody incident for the first time in 5 kids!

I set aside today for scrapping. Clearly, my mother had other ideas. She's been dead for 12 years, but her mischief continues. Today would have been her birthday. So, it seems strongly appropriate that Sean chose today to crack his head open.

He was playing in the livingroom with Noah when Noah said to me "Sean has jelly all over him and the floor". We didn't have jelly, and Sean can't get to the kitchen, so I didn't pay much attention to him. But he was persistant and insisted I come look at how silly Sean was with the jelly all over him.

Oh.My.God. My baby was SOAKED with blood. I have never seen a face so bloody. Once I washed him up, I saw it was just a tiny cut, but it was deep and STILL bleeding.

So, we went to the ER and got him glued up. I dropped Noah off next door after dragging the poor woman out of the shower to inspect the gash for a 2nd opinion. She confirmed what I suspected that he needed to go in, so we went.

So, here I am... 1pm... Haven't even gone near the scraproom. The best laid plans.

Oh, and I'm about to be that woman people joke about that call carpet cleaning companies about blood stains. Hope they don't call the cops on me.

My lovely white carpet:

We're off to the scalpel!

2006-08-22T08:43:00.000-04:00

I'll be spending the better part of today in the waiting room at University Hospital while GWH undergoes a cornea transplant.

He has a disease called Keratoconus. Which basically means he has the cornea of a circus freak. That sucker sticks way out. Needless to say, he's beyond the point of contact lenses and such, so the last and final fix is a cornea transplant. (If you're one of those people that loves to see the blood and gore, there are pictures of the actual procedure on this page. Don't say I didn't tell you it was EW.

The interesting thing about a cornea transplant, is that while an organ, they can store them. So, we didn't have to actually wait for someone to die, they've already done it and the cornea is there waiting.

We don't know who the donor is, but I like to think he's getting a dead old lady eye. We've decided we will call it Ethel.

So, we're off soon. Then he's home for a week. So, prepare for me to be driven crazy. :)

Monday Madness

2006-08-21T13:13:00.000-04:00

First of all, I saw this on the freeway yesterday.

That's several levels of WTF right there. Futhermore, what you don't see, is that the dog was wearing little goggles!

FYI - It's really hard to take pictures inconspicuously with a big ass camera with a bigger ass lens on it. Note to self: carry smaller camera in car.

And, most importantly....

If you didn't already know, the Sassacraft floral kit is live! The first batch went out over the weekend and so far it's a huge success!

Here is the August kit - Still have a few left!

$8 including shipping for subscribers, $7+shipping (which is $2ish) individually.

www.sassacraft.com for more info

I had to.

2006-08-18T16:49:00.000-04:00

'The Life Cycle'

I think the life cycle is all backwards

You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better
every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect
your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold
watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy
your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally
promiscuous and you get ready for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play,
you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and
then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in
luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room
service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then,
you finish off as an orgasm !

AJ and Ella

2006-08-18T09:55:00.000-04:00

Cuties from last night. :)

The Tag Stops Here

2006-08-18T09:26:00.000-04:00

I got this tag, but since no one reads my blog that I know of... Or at least not anyone who also blogs, I don't know who I'll tag.

HEY! If you're reading this! Consider yourself tagged!

1. If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be? Somewhere warm, with lots of land, but Target nearby.
2. What's your favourite article of clothing? capri pants and a thin tshirt
3. Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex? wallet. Uh... I mean... Cute little butt!
4. What's the last CD that you bought? Trace by Patricia Cornwell Audio Book (who buys CDs?)
5. Where's your favourite place to be? Bed
6. Where's your least favourite place to be? Jail? I don't know. lol
7. What's your favourite place to be massaged? feet
8. Strong in mind or strong in body? mind
9. What time do you wake up in the morning? 5am (ok, not really. But if that sucker goes off at 5:59, that still counts as 5)
10. What is your favourite kitchen appliance? kitchen aid mixer
11. What makes you really angry? what doesn't?
12. If you could play any instrument what would it be? piano
13. Favourite colour? Pink!
14. Sports car or SUV? SUV, although I drive a big ass mom van atm.
15. Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes
16. Favourite children's book? The ones with the fewest pages
17. What's your favourite season? Early Summer
18. What is your least favourite household chore? cleaning the house (lol)
19. If you could have one super-power, what would it be? to freeze / rewind time
20. If you have a tattoo what is it? No tattoos for me!
21. Can you juggle? no, but I can jiggle
22. The one person from your past that you wish you could go back and talk to? My Grandma
23. What's your favourite day? Hmm. Friday, I think.
24. What's in the boot of your car? My van wears Prada.
25. Which do you prefer-sushi or hamburger? Steak. :)

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Mall

2006-08-17T10:21:00.000-04:00

There I am, going to the zoo. Problem being, I have no sense of direction (and, yes, I have a compass in my car... GWH thinks that means I can find things. knowing what direction I'm facing is not helpful in the least tyvm, dear.). So, I'm driving along innocently when I spot a MALL!

Ooh! A mall is way more funner than the stupid zoo! AND the anchor store on my side was a JC Penney's Outlet. I've been wanting a black vellux blanket for Penney's for a backdrop, but I've been to cheap to pay $50 for it at JCP. My hope was, I'd walk into Penney's, get my blanket for $10, and then hit the rest of the mall.

Oh how high my hopes are. So so very high.

Penney's didn't have the blanket, but that was just the beginning of my wrong.

To back up a bit, right before I saw the mall, I saw a closed down (obviously) Handy Andy. WTF Handy Andy? Haven't they been closed since 1904? Why is the building still there and the sign still up? This long and no one has moved into that store front. (first clue)

Ok, back to the mall.

The parking lot was rather empty for a mall on a Sunday, but I didn't pay much mind to it. Blonde, and all. I step into Penney's and whoa... Stuff strewn all over the floor, big empty sections of store, just odd. I figured it was just because it was the outlet mall and, who knows what I thought.

I found 2 pair of dress pants for dh and a comforterI thought Alec would like, but he wasn't with me so I didn't buy it. Checked out with my 2 pair of pants and decided to check out the rest of the mall.

Holy. Crap. 2 reasons not to leave my camera in the car right there staring me in the face.

The mall was completely vacant. Dark. Abandoned. Save for the handful of hooligans loitering where stores once were.

It was right out of a movie. I wish I had my camera (one to take pictures and 2 because I seriously doubted my car was going to still be there when got back outside). The windows weren't boarded up, it wasn't like stores just left or would be there soon. It looked more like a hurricane had just went through. (In Ohio. Hurricanes v rare here. Lake Erie not known for typhooning.)

I have never seen something that weird. I should go back and take pictures, because there is no way I can explain it. On second thought, I don't think so. Read on.

I spent the rest of the weekend speculating why a mall would be abandoned like that. There was a Kaufmann's (I think, there was a banner that said Kaufmann's hanging on a building, I didn't go in to verify.), you'd think at least a pretzel shop would open in there or something.

So that was on Saturday. Monday my cleaning lady comes and the first thing she says to me is "Olivia and I were at the Whateveritwascalled Mall on Sunday and OH MY GOD it was so weird". (that's weird enough since this mall is no where near here, but yet we both went the same weekend). We start comparing notes and talking about how weirded out we both were.

She said she was on the phone with her ex when she told him she was there and he said "Don't let Olivia out of your sight." Ok... Olivia is 15, btw.

Then, later, she finds out the story. Apparently that neighborhood is SO BAD that the store owners were all like screw it and moved out. There were abductions from the mall, etc. NICE! I was there with Sean!!! I can't even fathom how bad it must have been for stores to just close up. You'd think the mall owners would have security upped or something. Don't all malls have security? There are malls in Detroit, how bad can THIS have been?

Explains the Handy Andy, though. The whole stretch of road is from a bad Stephen King book.

I'm not sure the $10 pants were worth all of that. Although, it's always nice when your pants inspire a story.

Update!

2006-08-14T15:46:00.000-04:00

The floral club WILL start in August!! WOO HOO!!!!

I was hoping beyond hope that my flowers would all arrive in time to begin this BRAND NEW kit in August.

August Floral Kits will ship on Friday!!!

Bazzill, Prima, Doodlebug, and MORE. I'm more excited than the people getting them. Seriously!

Perhaps the Sun has Gotten to me

2006-08-14T10:43:00.000-04:00

Did you hear what I was doing at Sassacraft? I think I've gone nuts!

On the upside, my storeroom will be clean....

All new 6 and 12 month subscribers get a 30% off coupon code for EVERYTHING in the store! AND no additional shipping since it will go out with their first kit!!!

Today is the last day, as kits go out on Wednesday!!!!

www.sassacraft.com

AND, look at this month's kit! BRAND NEW CHERRY ARTE!!!

Just to prove how insane I am... Everyone who signs up and mentions that they read this blog entry will get an extra something in their first box. :)

The Woman Always Knows

2006-08-02T08:53:00.000-04:00

I sometimes wonder if my grandmother is up there spiritually... Participating in my life, and mostly just getting the last laugh, as she so loved to do. If I ever doubted before, all doubt is gone now.

For months I have been ~~begging~~ suggesting that GWH get a new laptop bag. His current one was just ugly. Ass ugly. I found a great leather one at TJ Maxx, nice brand name, the whole thing. He wouldn't let me buy it, because "nothing was wrong" with the one he had.

I decided that would be what he got for his birthday. Despite him telling me that he wanted this tool or that tool. "Don't care what you want", I'd think. He'd be getting the bag.

He almost had me talked out of buying him anything. Almost.

I met him for lunch on Monday. Monday was his birthday. Important to note that Monday was actually his birthday. As he was getting out of his car, he grabbed his laptop case and...

get ready for it....

remember, it's HIS BIRTHDAY....

It BROKE!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I told him he needed a new one. ;)

So, guess what he got for his birthday!

Thanks, Grandma, for the sweet sweet irony.

Menu Week of Aug 7th

2006-08-02T08:35:00.000-04:00

Just the 3 of us next week, so I'm pulling my menu from Taste of Home's Quick Cooking (except the spaghetti!). Putting it all here so I don't forget where I found the recipes! :)

M: Spaghetti / Salad / Crusty Cheese Bread
T: Flank Steak with Orange Sauce / Rice / Green Beans
W: Pepper Steak Sandwiches / Garlic Fries
R: Ravioli with Sausage (use leftover homemade sauce)/ Salad
F: Grilled Brats
Saturday: Going out!

Spaghetti Sauce

1 (28 oz) can Crushed Tomatoes
1 (28 oz) can Tomato Puree
1 cup water
1/4 cup Olive Oil
4-6 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp dried basil
1 Tbsp sugar
2 tsp Salt
Fresh ground pepper to taste

Sauté garlic and olive oil in a large saucepan(with cover for later) over medium/low heat. Do not brown garlic. Takes approximately 2-3 minutes.
Add both cans of tomatoes and water, turn up heat to medium/high and cook for 2-3 minutes. Add basil, sugar, salt and pepper. Cook uncovered until the sauce begins to bubble. After the sauce bubbles, turn down to low. Cover pot and let simmer for 30 minutes.

Crusty Cheese Bread

3 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 loaf French bread, halved lengthwise
3/4-1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

In a small bowl, combine the butter, garlic powder and cayenne. Spread over cut sides of bread; sprinkle with cheese. Place on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 9-11 minutes or until cheese is melted. Cut into slices. Yield: 4-6 servings.
Flank Steak with Orange Sauce

3/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup honey
1 tablespoon lime juice
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon coarsely ground pepper
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 teaspoon minced fresh gingerroot
1 beef flank steak (1 pound)

In a small bowl, combine the first six ingredients. Cover and refrigerate 1/2 cup for serving. Add oil and ginger to the remaining orange juice; pour into a large resealable bag. Add the flank steak; seal bag, and turn to coat. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour or overnight. Drain and discard marinade. Place steak on a broiler pan. Broil 4 inches from the heat for 7-8 minutes on each side or until meat reaches desired doneness.

Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, warm reserved orange sauce until heated through. Thinly slice steak across the grain; serve with sauce. Yield: 4 servings.

Pepper Steak Sandwiches

1 pound frozen beef sandwich steaks, thawed
4 teaspoons vegetable oil, divided
1 medium sweet onion, chopped
3/4 cup julienned green pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 cup chopped dill pickles
1/2 cup Italian salad dressing
1/2 cup chopped fresh tomato
1/4 cup chopped red onion
5 hard rolls, split
2 cups (8 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese

In a large skillet, cook steaks in 2 tsp oil in batches over medium heat for 3-4 minutes or until no longer pink. Meanwhile, in another skillet, saute the sweet onion and green pepper in remaining oil until tender; sprinkle with salt and pepper.

In a small bowl, combine the pickles, salad dressing, tomato and red onion; set aside.

Place the roll tops, cut side up, on a baking sheet. Sprinkle with cheese. Broil 4 inches from the heat for 2 minutes or until cheese is melted. Divide steaks between roll bottoms; top with onion mixture and pickle mixture. Replace roll tops. Yield: 5 servings.

Ravioli with Sausage

4 cups frozen cheese ravioli (about 12 ounces)
1/2 pound smoked sausage, sliced
1 cup chopped green pepper
1 jar (26 ounces) meatless spaghetti sauce
1/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

Cook ravioli according to package directions. In a large skillet, saute sausage and green pepper for 2-3 minutes or until green pepper is tender. Stir in spaghetti sauce; heat through. Drain ravioli; toss with sausage mixture. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Yield: 5 servings.

Connected

2006-07-27T10:19:00.000-04:00

We are apparently well connected in this little town of ours. Or, at least with the dentist.

Alec is in the beginning stages of orthodontics. Which is to say, he doesn't yet have braces. We're going through the pre-braces things right now.

Today he got the go ahead. So, all we had to do was get his teeth cleaned and he'd get his braces on.

I called the dentists office to schedule an appointment.

"We have August 18th open"

"That won't work, he is going to Michigan for 2 weeks starting August 6th"

"Well, that's all we have until September. What is his name?"

"Alec Gilliland"

"Has he been here before?"

"Oh, we've been there many times... We're the Kovacs"

"Oh! That's all you had to say!"

His appointment is at 2pm today.

Seriously. Wth. I guess dh's bad luck with teeth comes in handy afterall. Spend $5 million dollars on dental work and you start getting same-day service!

2nd post in one day!

2006-07-05T08:59:00.000-04:00

This is typical me:

We have this annoying moth problem, you know those ones that live in your flour and freak you the hell out and ruin your cookies because you don't know they are there until you open it and have a nervous breakdown.

We threw out EVERYTHING in our baking cupboard. I currently have no flour, sugar, cornstarch, cornmeal, baking powder, etc. Now we're waiting the 8 weeks or whatever it takes for the little bastards to die off.

The worst part about them is not that they keep ruining my bread making. It's something far more sinister. They keep landing in my wine! Everytime I pour a glass of wine, 5 minutes later there is a dead moth in it. Like, EW! I think I'm permanently traumatized and will spend the rest of my life inspecting my wine after each sip.

But, it gave me a clever idea!

This morning, I opened a bottle of wine and put a small bowl of it in the cupboard where they were. I will trap those little alcoholics! Except, the bowl I put it in was one of those Gladware throw away ones, that apparently should have been thrown away. It had a crack in it, so most of the wine leaked out.

I noticed this a short time later, and went to clean it up. Of course, in the process, I got it all over me, not to mention it being all over the cupboard and now counter.

It's 9am and I already smell like a wino.

They Say It's Hereditary

2006-07-05T07:48:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, my boys took a big step. They went downtown alone. (Not like urban city downtown. Dinky small town where someone walking down the street after 1 am makes the police blotter downtown.). The 4th of July parade was going to start, and they decided they'd walk over and see it. (told you it was a small town)

Since the parade started at 6, they wouldn't be around for dinner. Dh gave them some money and told them to eat at the hotdog place in town. I was freaking out imagining them ordering everything on the menu and then not having enough to pay for it, but he assured me that he discussed this with them.

They both made it home alive, and together. Believe me, I totally expected the older one to ditch the younger one and come home alone. So, just the fact that they were together and had all their limbs made me feel pretty good.

I asked them what they had for dinner. They said the hotdog place was closed so they went to the cafe. So far so good. Of course, I had to ask the mommy question of what they ate.

Cinnamon Rolls.

I wasn't really THAT upset, but as I am the mother I had to say "cinnamon rolls are not a proper dinner!"

"But we had Pepsi, too, and that's a dinner drink." says the 9 year old.

OF COURSE! How silly of me!

Then... This is what I woke up to this morning. When I come out of my bedroom, straight down the hall at the other end is the 13 year old's room. He apparently picked this tape up out of the street on the way home after the parade ended. Anyway, 6:30am as I walk out of my bedroom:

Addendum

2006-06-22T06:56:00.000-04:00

It also can't be storming ALL NIGHT LONG. BIG. BOOMY. ALL NIGHT LONG.

I am an asshole to sleep with.

2006-06-20T14:47:00.000-04:00

I will admit it. I am a lousy bed partner.

The bed has to be made before I get in it. Crawling into bed that first time when the bed is perfectly made is like a nice soft hug. It's my favorite time of day. If the bed is all messy and full of man germs, it's just not the same. The sheets and blankets have to lay flat across me. No bunching up on one side. And for the love of God, the quilt has to be on the right way. I don't care that it is the same size both ways, the TAG GOES AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT.

The sheets have to be right. I can't sleep on scratchy sheets. This includes those in hotels. I always bring my own pillow, and I have actually considered bringing my own sheets. We have 1000 thread count sheets now, but I'm not sure I'm happy with them. Too thick.

The temperature in the room has to be right. 72 degrees or below. Not hotter. I don't care if this means we have to turn the air on when it is only 73°, I need it 72° or below or I can't sleep. No, turning on a fan is not good enough. The attic fan is too loud and the stand fan is too windy. And do NOT touch me if it is above 70° in the room. There will be no cuddling of any kind. Stay on your own side and don't even cross a toenail over the line. This makes for great confusion for the husband as I'm like "You better put out tonight, but don't touch me because it's too hot and too windy and make sure you stay over there."

I must have a king sized pillow. This was fine when we also had a king sized bed. Now that we have a queen, the pillows take up half the bed. But, it's the sacrifice we have to make. I need the proper pillow.

I can't help it. I have needs. Things must be right.

I'm just not a deep thinker.

2006-06-19T09:15:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed that I haven't updated my blog in quite some time. Unless you've already given up on me, in which case I could probably save myself this lengthy explanation post.

My life is very day to day. Today I woke up, showered, fed baby, am waiting for cleaning lady to arrive, will go to Target later, maybe scrap a layout or 2, make some dinner... maybe... have a glass of wine ... probably... and then go to bed and watch a movie.

I love my cleaning lady, but not enough to warrant an entire post about her.

I love my husband, but really, who the hell cares but me. Well, maybe him, too.

The kids are kids. No one wants to hear about my kids, they're probably only cute to me, anyway.

So, I really only get the urge to post when I feel I have something to say worth reading. Which obviously isn't that often.

Oh look, the garbage man is here! See? Not an exciting blog entry.

Went to Tony Roma's for dinner last night. Sean took his straw out of his chocolate milk, dipped it in ketchup, put it back in the cup and then finished drinking. Disgusting. I let him do it so he wouldn't scream and throw the chocolate milk at the people at the next table.

Again, no one cares but me. And the people at the next table.

So... That's why I rarely update. If I ever feel funny I come and post, but clearly those times are fewer and fewer lately. :)

Thoughts From the Laundry Room

2006-05-26T14:23:00.000-04:00

I have a scrap room. I love it. I'd love to paint it up funky. However, it's right in the middle of the basement. With only a half wall separating it. So, unless I want to do the entire basement funky (um, no), I can't really go too far with it.

However, my laundry room is another story. It is separate from the rest of the basement, and even has swinging bar doors. So, I can go wild in there. I've been thinking about what I wanted to do in there since we moved in 2 years ago. Right now it's a revolting red white and blue stripe with hideous cabinets. I was originally going to do it in pinks and purples and fairies and sunshine, since I don't get to do too much girly stuff with 4 boys. Then I redid Lauren's room. I think that fixed the pink and purple urges. I also have a purple stairway. Love it.

So, I got to thinking. I have a Cherry Arte earpiece. I was sitting in the bathroom at Borders yesterday thinking that if I replaced the fronts of those toilet paper dispensers with Basic Grey, it would look way better. You get the idea. If it doesn't move, alter it. If it does move, chase it down and kill it first. So, maybe I can model my laundry room after one of my favorite scrapbook lines! It would be easy enough to match the paint colors, and then I could frame the papers as art work. No more freaking out about cutting into it, as it would be right there! I'm really quite brilliant, wouldn't you agree? (Even though I so totally stole the framing paper idea.)

The big question is... WHICH line? My 3 favorites are Cherry Arte, Gin-X and Scenic Route. I can't really do Cherry Arte since they broke my heart last week. ;) I'd hate to have to cry every time I walked into my laundry room. I don't really want to be in there as it is! I love the new Scenic Route stuff, but I'm not sure it's as FUN as I'd like. So, it's going to be Gin-X.

Now I just have to settle on a line. Or should I wait til after CHA??? What if there's one I like better? I probably won't get this done til July, so it could probably wait til August if need be.

I think this is the one:

How fun is that????

I love this one, too.

I also love:

So, what do YOU think? :)

Crop Out of Style

2006-05-13T07:39:00.000-04:00

I'm going to a crop tonight. This is going to prove to be quite a challenge for me. The last time I went to one, everything I owned fit into my Crop in Style XXL. Everything I own now doesn't even fit in one room.

I did discover, however, that my new sewing machine fits quite nicely in the XXL. As long as I don't really bring anything else.

So, I think I'm going to work on page kit examples for the store, since I can't really use anything that's not in the kit, I won't have to bring my entire house along for those. And my Croppin' Paradise DT stuff, which is going to be a little more challenging, but I figure I can finish at home later if need be. And, finally end of year teacher gifts. I just decided this morning that I'm going to make little accordian albums. Ideally, I'd go take pictures and put those in there, but I can't really think of an easy way to take pictures of 4th graders without being detected/arrested. So, the teachers will have to do that part themselves. What if they don't take pictures? I guess that means they don't want to remember the little brats they taught this year, right?

So, what do you think? 3" albums? 4"? Maybe 4. 4" seems like a good idea. Then I can make 1 from each 12x12 paper. I need 9 of them. Maybe I should start with a cardstock base and then decorate? I figured I'd do patterned paper. Wonder do I have that much 2 sided paper. Hmmm. Surely I do.

I know what you're thinking. Just buy the stuff at the crop. I wish. I pretty much already own everything that store has that I want, and even some stuff I really didn't.

Hopefully I will figure it out. Oh, and I just remembered, I have to bring a dish to share. Guess I better go figure that out, too.

Please check Medical Terminology 1020

2006-05-12T16:59:00.000-04:00

off my to do list and never put it on there again ever. Ever. Seriously, ever.

I took my final exam on Thursday. It wasn't due until Saturday, but I seriously just could not take it anymore. Had to be done with that class.

I think I did pretty good. I studied for 2 days straight (that's a new record for me, by about 1.89 days). I only needed 95/115 on that test to get an A in the class. Surely I got at least 95? I won't find out til the end of next week, but there's no sense worrying about it, because it's done now. Right? RIGHT?

One time, in college (not band camp), I got a B. I'm still ticked off about that. In fact, I almost don't even care that some of my credits didn't transfer. I'll sacrifice those 10 credits to not have that ugly B on my transcript anymore. Be gone, ugly B! Only As will do!

(ETA: I found this in my draft folder - Guess I forgot to post it! I got the results back, and I got a B on the final. It was enough -- I got an A in the class. WOO! I also ordered the books for my summer class used and spent only $27 inc shipping for both, tyvm.)

We All Have Our Quirks

2006-05-12T08:44:00.000-04:00

Mine is the telephone, or lack there of. I hate hate hate the phone. I hate answering it, and I hate making outgoing calls even worse. I will, under extreme circumstances, but I find it very stressful and upsetting and will make my husband or anyone else I can get my hands on do my calling for me whenever possible.

He, of course, finds this very annoying. I find his whiskers in the sink very annoying. I feel like we're even. He says I should get therapy for my phone issues. There's no therapy for messy shaving, is there?

I'm not sure exactly when my phone issues started. As far back as I can remember, I've never really had much of a love affair with the phone. Maybe it goes back to the time when I was about 3 and playing with the phone and inadvertantly called the overseas operator to Japan. I don't remember getting in trouble, but maybe I was beaten and don't remember. Maybe not.

So, through most of my teen years and into young adulthood, I avoided the phone. I'd call my friend, she had her own line and was the only one who would answer. I wouldn't call my boyfriend, because the idea of having to ask for him totally freaked me out. But, I managed to make it through. I even had a job in customer service, taking 100 phone calls a day, and making about 30 outgoing. I think only because I was "the company" and not really ME. Nothing that happened on any of those calls was about ME. I don't know, I'm no shrink.

Through my long and lovely marriage to the ex-h (that lovely part was a joke, for those of you who are new here), everytime the phone rang, it was a bill collector to yell at me for not paying this or that bill.

It started getting way worse after my mother died. I got that call at 6 in the morning. We were never that close, but that's still a pretty traumatic thing to wake up to. (She was only 40, and not sick. Well, death sick, anyway, her other issues are for another post entirely.) From that point on, anytime the phone rang while I was asleep, it scared the crap out of me. Didn't matter if I was sleeping at 1 in the afternoon, if the phone rang, it scared the crap out of me. In the meantime, my grandmother, with whom I WAS very close was getting older and older and sicker and sicker. So, then, everytime the phone rang, I became convinced it was someone calling to tell me SHE was dead. That call finally did come, and it came at 5am, however, we knew she was going. In fact, I'd just left the hospital 3 hours before that, after they assured me they'd call in plenty of time for me to get there when the end was near. She ended up hanging on til after 10, so I was with her, and never got "that" phone call, but still.

Everytime that phone rings, my first thought is "oh my god, it's bad news. someone is dead." Doesn't matter what time of day. Doesn't matter that we have caller ID. I don't even look at that until after my mini-stroke. At that point, I'll answer it if it's someone I know. (And assuming I want to talk to them, which a whole other matter entirely.). If it says unknown or private, I don't answer. It's not really ever a telemarketer, as we've been on the do not call list for 2 years, so we only get one through about once every 3-4 months. It's never a bill collector, since we pay those now. So, what's my problem? Who the hell knows. I hate the phone.

This morning, I was lamenting about the fact that I have to call Advantus and find out why the Heidi Swapp stuff I ordered 2 months ago hasn't shown up yet. Apparently, GWH found this very annoying, as I assume he started trying to seek an internet cure for me. (The internet has everything, you know!)

He stumbled up this. For those of you who don't want to click the link, the page is called "TELEPHONE FEAR: Treatment and Hope".

It says the following: To add insult to an already distressing condition, most telephone fear therapies take months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear. We believe that not only is this totally unnecessary, it will often make the condition worse. And it is particularly cruel as telephone fear can be eliminated with the right methods and just 24 hours of commitment by the phobic individual.

Even he found the following excerpt from above site to be amusing: The process usually requires no more than ten hours. In exceptional cases we can achieve a favorable result in two to three. But because we guarantee the outcome, we will work with you for as long as it takes - five minutes, five hours, five weeks. We work highly effectively by telephone. This allows our clients far more flexibility in scheduling appointments, and the results are every bit as good as meeting in person.

Right... Let me send that $1500 check.

Randomness

2006-05-08T13:06:00.000-04:00

Not quite sure I can form coherent thoughts this week, so here's a summary of what is going on in my life and head.

Dh bought a power washer this weekend. Since he had a power washer, he decided he'd clean the garage. So, he emptied it and it looks lovely now. What can I buy that will make him decide to do that to the rest of the house? Is there a Guy Vacuum that might inspire?

Noah is 4 today. Still pooping his pants. But funny as ever. We took the kids to Macaroni Grill for dinner and they brought him a big ass piece of cake. He said I could share it. So, I had about 3 bites when he said "that's enough halfs for you." Then, today, I told him we had to go to Target. He sighed and said "I just HATE Target." LMAO Love that kid. When he doesn't smell like the ass end of an ass.

My cleaning lady is here! New one started today. She's rockin so far, even cleaning fingerprints off the wall. She's hourly, and I told her to stay "how ever long it takes". I'm going to owe her approximately $925 when she's done.

Just to make me sound even more pretentious than that last comment did, my new nanny starts tomorrow. I can't figure out what I want to do first. She's going to come Tuesdays and Thursdays. Only Tuesday this week though. I should study since this is finals week and I've totally faked my way through these last 3 chapters. But that doesn't sound like a fun way to spend my first Nanny day, now does it? I think I need to make some Mojitos and sit on the patio. And, uh, study! Yeah, I'm out here studying. Damn I have good ideas.

I got a Blackberry. Seems weird for someone who refuses to use the phone and never leaves the house, I know. It's more an appointment keeper than anything. I have it set to remind me of EVERYTHING. 8:55 am, don't forget the cupcakes. 11:30pm go to Target. Of course, it's beeping all damn day, but I'm totally on top of things! While at Target, I bought a bluetooth earpiece. Came with 33 different designs you can use on it. Dh asked me what the charge and talk times were. Who the hell cares as long as it matches my outfit. Men.

Speaking of cupcakes and Noah's birthday... I bought a huge spread of GORGEOUS cupcakes at Sams on Saturday for him to take to school (see how on top of things I am now?). Then, on the way to put them in the car, I tripped over the gate and dropped them. Had to go to Bakery at 8:30 am. Very annoying. Noah taking cupcakes to school ended up costing me $24. Hope they were good.

I think that's all! If there's anything else, I'll put it in my Blackberry and remind myself to post it!

Dear About.com

2006-05-06T08:33:00.000-04:00

I hope you die. Lots.

#3 Buy a Wishblade

2006-05-03T18:47:00.000-04:00

I need to start blogging these faster. I did this one earlier this week!

I can't wait til it comes. Today I handcut the title "Backyardigans" and was cussing with every snip. Damn annoying to hand cut knowing my WB is already ordered.

Adventures in Bed

2006-04-30T07:53:00.000-04:00

....Buying, that is. Dirty minds!

Yesterday, we decided that it was time to buy a new bed. Ok, actually, we decided that years ago, but yesterday we had money. The bed that we're sleeping on now, and I use several of those words loosely, is old. While impressive at a King size, the mattress is so thin, that when we moved here, and didn't have much room left on the truck, we actually folded it in half to get it to fit. The entire mattress actually folded in half. Additionally, the mattresses originally belonged to (you ready?): My ex-husband's grandparents. Then, my ex and I. Now, GWH and I. Aside from the 30 year oldness, and the fold in halfness, that alone was reason to buy a new one, don't you think? I agree. Now that I have justified my purchase to my friends inside the computer, I can continue on with this story of intrigue and adventure.

There are 3 mattress stores in town. Which, to me, seems odd, as the town only has 25,000 people and no Sams or Costco. We need a Costco way worse than 3 mattress stores. But, whatever, deal the hand you're dealt, or something. We figured between the 3 of them, we should be able to find something we wanted. We also figured that Medina Mattress was our best bet. So, of course, we went to the other 2.

Mattress store 1: The sales guy was way creepy. Think I saw him in a movie where there was much death and stalking. He wouldn't make eye contact, to the point that I thought he might be blind. I probably should have hopped from bed to bed to see if he could keep up with me as a test, but we were really just so weirded out that we had to leave. He followed us all the way to the sidewalk saying that if we would just come back when we were done shopping, he'd give us $20 off to cover the gas. Sorry, buddy, it's going to cost you more than $20 to ever have me within restraining order range of you again.

Mattress store 2: A bit more promising. All we had to deal with there was a very exuberant older gentleman with a sweet love for cologne. He was talking a mile a minute, but at least looked at us and had a personality that didn't scream "I will wait for you outside your bedroom window". He had me convinced that the $700 pillowtop set was the one for me. Would have bought it on the spot had he not said that delivery would take place on Wednesday. I'm rather impatient, I don't know if I can hold out for 4 days. Might go to Sams and buy whatever they have and tie them to the top of the van and make GWH lay on top holding them down while I drive home 95 miles an hour on the freeway. Only problem with that plan was that there is no freeway on the way home from Sams.

Mattress store 3 / "the one": At this point, I was ready to say the hell with Medina, lets drive over and see what they have at Sams. But, fine, since we're right here, lets stop in. Probably the thing that made this store the best was the fact that it was crowded, so no sales guys were trying to hump us on the bed to show us how well the polysodacarbonbandaidgouda springs work under extreme use. We, of course, being the impetuous fools we are, asked first "What is your delivery window?". 30 minutes, he said. Woo hoo, we're buying here! We can get it today without GWH having to mattress surf all the way home on a freeway going the other way. This is our place. Now, to pick one. I, of course, being the sensible one in the relationship, quickly found the one that was almost identical to the one we'd picked out at colognia, and deemed it the one. This is where the fine point of the store being crowded came back to bite me on the ass like a bed bug on steroids. We figured while we waited, we'd take some of the others for a test drive. So, we laid in each one, farted some, drooled alot, watched TV, ate cheesy poofs, etc. We considered having sex, but since we don't do that at home, it seemed pretty pointless. Finally, we come to what must be the Grand Daddy of mattresses, as they have it displayed on this big ass 4 poster bed that I think King Rich Fucker of Austria actually slept in. "Oh my God!" GWH exclaimed as he lay upon the fluffy pillowness. "Oh my God!!" CAW (cheap ass wife) exclaimed as she gazed upon the price tag. "This is the most comfortable bed I've ever not slept in!" he says, excitedly. "This is twice as much as we were going to pay!" she replied. "Go back and lay in that one and use your imagination!" she pleaded.

But, being the loving and dutiful wife I am, we decided we'd go with the one he liked. Honestly, I don't have a strong enough opinion about the quality of the mattresses to get into a debate about it (which is why I liked the cheap one, more money left over for the 17th pair of flip flops for 2006, or $25 lipsticks at the Clinique counter). Fate threw me a bone fragment when the sales guy informed us that he didn't actually have those mattresses in stock in queen, but he did have the next one down (a mere $1400 for this set!) ready to go.

So, those are the ones we bought. Incidentally, he was apparently lying about the 30 minutes, since they aren't delivering until today. But, that's just as well, I need to vacuum under the old bed before they get here and notice that dh's body hair has formed an army in the corner and is planning an attack.

That's my story. I'll spare you the bedding buying experience, other than to mention that the quilt we picked out has the same name as GWH's ex-girlfriend.

We just can't keep our exes out of our bed.

OH OH OH!!!!

2006-04-28T10:14:00.000-04:00

I almost forgot (wth???).

I GOT A NEW SEWING MACHINE!

Check that off the list, baby!

My husband is straight. At least I think so.

2006-04-28T10:12:00.000-04:00

GWH was reading my blog yesterday and said to me:

"Why am I 'Gay White Husband'?"

Which is actually way funnier than what it actually stands for, so maybe we'll just go with it.

Please make sure I'm REALLY dead.

2006-04-25T08:46:00.000-04:00

Aside from my completely irrational fear of using the telephone (another post, another day), I also have one of not really being dead.

Since I don't like to limit myself, I'm not only afraid of being buried alive. Oh no, I'm afraid of all the things they might do to me when I'm not REALLY dead. Autopsy, organ harvesting, creamation, embalming, you name it.

When my mother died, they did a little bit TOO good a job with the makeup. She seriously didn't look dead, and I figured she'd be sitting up at any second, which creeped the shit out of me. I'm easy creeped, too.

When my grandmother died, I had a dream every night for a year that she wasn't actually dead and was REALLY mad that I'd gotten rid of all her stuff and sold her house.

I'm not sure if these 2 events are results of my paranoia, or contributed to it, but I swear I just get worse by the minute.

I've already told everyone who will listen that I don't want to be cremated. Just in case I'm not really dead. Just buying more time to wiggle my finger or something before they put me in the ground. Being buried alive doesn't sound that fun, but I figure it's gotta be better than being cremated alive. I'm also not an organ donor, for the same reason. I realize this makes me a bad person, but what if I'm not really dead?

GWH needs a cornea transplant. So, of course, we've been talking about the fact that someone has to die in order for him to be able to see out of that eye ever again. I like to tease him and tell him that he's going to have a smelly old lady eye, and he said he's going to give it a name and go around looking at people through it and saying things like "Marge doesn't like you". You would think that knowing someone who hopefully will be the receipient of the world's greatest gift would sway my decision about organ donation. And, I'll admit, as I get older and my likely hood of needing parts and things increases, I am starting to change my mind. Slowly.

We had the conversation last night. It of course started out with 'but what if I'm not really dead....?. So, just to prove that I'm being strong and changing my mind, I said "Well, they can have my heart, but not my corneas. What if I'm not really dead?"

GWH never misses his cue to make fun of me.

"So, you're not really dead, but they can have your heart?"

I guess I'd be really dead then, huh? Might as well go on ahead, take my corneas, and otherwise defile my corpse. But make sure you do my nails. I need to look my best when I don't have corneas anymore.

Anatomically Correct

2006-04-13T09:54:00.000-04:00

I get my nails done roughly every 2 weeks, always at the same place. As I have been going to this same salon for 2 years now, I have gotten to know the staff, and even some of the customers pretty well. Some, perhaps, a little too well.

I love it when I go in and the owner, David, is flailing around dancing and singing loudly along with 'Like a Virgin'. That alone is worth the price of the nails. I love it when he gives one of the girls hell for the way she dresses, and when they tease him for being short. All in all, I have a very entertaining time at this salon.

Sometimes, though, it gets a little too personal.

One day, a couple of months ago, I started talking to a woman while our nails dried. Regular practice at the nail drying station. "How about this weather?" "Yep, crazy, I tell you!" "Did you hear they are putting a Bed, Bath and Beyond on North Court?" Etc. This particular woman seemed very well to do. Middle aged, or beyond, she was slender and made up, clothes looking very expensive and well thought out. Nary a dark root or grey hair showing through her perfectly blonde hair. She was also very soft spoken, and articulate. We talked about the fact that I have 5 kids, which seems to be the topic of conversation every time I go. If I didn't know 2 other families on this block with equal or greater number of kids than I have, I'd swear I was the only one in the county.

Eventually, and I can't remember how (you know, that whole brain blocking out the bad stuff thing), she began to start telling me about a recent surgery she'd had. Couldn't be a knee surgery, or even open heart surgery. Oh, no. This woman was telling me about VAGINA surgery. That was the word she used, vagina. Might have been more entertaining if she'd gone with cooter, hootch, vag, etc. She went on to tell me, in great (very great) detail about the reconstruction. It's all rather hazy now, thankfully, but there was rebuilding, something about mesh (I keep thinking Magic Mesh when I tell this story... which is only funny to scrapbookers, but funny nonetheless. So many uses for the Magic Mesh!).

I walked out of there, overshare almost weighing me down to the point of paralysis. Rushed home and immediately told GWH the entire story. He married me, if I gotta hear about old people cooter, so does he!

I've seen her in there a couple times since, and she's mentioned my 5 kids. Apparently having 5 kids makes me quite memorable. If only she knew the effect of vaginal description.

Earlier this week, GWH and I were chatting along as we drove down the main road on the same side of town as the nail salon. I looked over and saw this woman out for a stroll with her husband. I, of course, just had to point her out. And, what better way to do so than to announce:

LOOK! It's the woman with the VAGINA!

Go ahead, let that soak in a minute.

I'm not sure I've ever seen a look like that on his face. I hope I do again, someday. I bet I will, I have no shortage of totally moronic things to say.

Riddle Me This

2006-04-05T14:41:00.000-04:00

It's a standing joke around here that we have too much Jell-O. I don't know why we have so much. I mean, I bought it, but I still don't know. I must buy it for a reason... maybe for a recipe I never end up using, or a sale, or who knows. But we have at least 20 packages of it. That might not seem like that much except for the fact that I.never.make.Jell-O. The other day, Alec made 3 packages, just because we had so much.

Last week, while shopping with Cody, we walked down the Jell-O aisle. "Hey, mom, lets get some Jell-O" Yuk Yuk Har Har. Then he saw it. He had to have it. We must buy it.

Mystery Flavor

Personally, I try not to eat it even when I know what flavor it is, but kids are kids. They won't eat dinner, but they'll eat mystery Jell-O.

So, we get home, and we're talking about the Mystery Jell-O. Cody says "there's a puzzle on the side that tells you what flavor it is, but I couldn't figure it out."

Well, step aside, and let the brilliant, intelligent and expert puzzle solver look at it. It was one of those Rebus puzzles from our youth. Ahh... cake, I think. It was just 2 pictures. The first was a dog saying "Grr". The other was a gorilla holding bananas.

I said "dog banana...?" with great puzzlement. Who the hell would make Dog Banana Jell-O?

Alec took the package from me, took a 2 second look at it, and said, condesendingly "GRRRRRR APE. GRAPE" with a silent "you idiot" on the end.

Good thing I'm brilliant and intelligent, because my expert puzzle solver seems to have disappeared.

#2 Visit Ireland

2006-04-04T07:41:00.000-04:00

Rumor has it, I am part Irish. Whether or not this is true is anybody's guess. My parents were both adopted. My father has been out of the picture since I was very little (in fact, I wouldn't know him if he came to the door). I don't know anything about his biological parents, other than them supposedly both being med students that wanted to finish school before becoming parents. I have no idea if that's true. Sounds like a big lie to me, but who knows. I can just see his adoptive parents being told that to make the sale, or them telling him that to try to trick him into being smart.

My mother's adoptive mother, the grandmother that raised me, had a little more information about the biological parents. She met them, had names, etc. I haven't gone too deep into it, since I really have no desire to actually MEET these people*, but I am curious where I might have come from. My biological grandmother was 19 when she had my mother... which was her 3rd baby. My grandmother's sister's inlaws (get that?) ran a boarding house. The 2nd baby lived there, which is how they got in touch. The boarding house people told my grandmother that there was a baby there that needed a home, and has she had gone through several losses and a stillbirth, it seemed a perfect match. So, she adopted my mother. Who, by 3 months, had already been so severely neglected that she had open sores on her bottom the size of quarters. Her winner mother would prop a bottle in her mouth and go to the bar to drink. Her biological father was a little more responsible, but he was working. He actually didn't want to give her up, but he couldn't raise her on his own, so he agreed.

I've often wondered if it was that first 3 months of neglect that made my mother the bipolar mess she was, but I guess that's another post.

Anyway, as it was, back in 1953 when this all went down, the adoption was a pretty open thing. In fact, my grandmother had to find 3 people that knew both her and the biological parents. Which, I gather, wasn't easy. As such, she met the biological parents several times, and knew their names, etc.

This is where the irish bit comes in. She told me that my biological grandfather, was tall, thin and very very irish. Red hair, green eyes, last name McKeon. So, I suppose that makes me at least 1/4 irish. Maybe more from the mystery pool of genetics that I come from, but without the new fangled genetic testing they are now doing (which I wouldn't mind getting if it weren't 43 trillion dollars), there's no way to know.

That was part of the reason I want to go to Ireland. But mostly just because I like beer and it seems a good fit.

Someday, I'll elaborate on the whole bipolar infested childhood I had.

*I thought about looking up my biological grandfather, who, according to my grandmother, was very upset about giving up my mother. But, as she made some very bad choices, and died in 1995, I didn't really think it a good idea. Maybe if life had turned out sunshine and light, he'd like to know that. But, he's an old old man now, and the life he envisioned for her is probably much better than the one she actually had, so I think it's best to let him die with that, even though he probably thinks he'd like to know. I don't think he does.

If I Was President

2006-03-31T13:36:00.000-05:00

Tummy tucks and boob lifts would be included in the price of child birth.

There would be 28 hours in a day. Except, women would legally be allowed to tranquilize their kids and spouses during the extra 4.

When Bill Gates, Oprah, The Waltons (from Wal-Mart, not Jon-Boy) would all be forced to contribute a gazillion dollars each that I would use to build big ass homeless shelters like hospitals. Anyone who needed one would get a room and 3 meals a day and health care. And I'd only skim a couple million dollars off the top for myself.

Stay at home mothers of more than 3 would get government provided weekly housecleaning. More than 4 would get a sitter/housekeeper 2 days a week.

Everyone on my block would plant flowers in the spring and water their lawns.

Everyone who doesn't speak english would have 3 hours to get the hell out. Anyone from any country would still be allowed to come here, but only if they learned how to speak english first. (I don't care how you feel about my rules, it's my blog and my pretend country, so shut it.)

My husband would get a trillion dollar a year raise.

It would be illegal to wear sandals without your feet being clean and pedicured. I do not need to see your dirty funky toes. And, the pedicure would need to be kept current. One fleck of polish remaining on your big toe does not qualify. To jail with you!

Clothing manufacturers would no longer be allowed to make anything revealing in any size bigger than 14, and even 14s would be subject to approval. No one wants to see flab hanging out of every opening of your tiny little top and skimpy skort. Stop it now. Furthermore, they would be required to make clothes 14+ actually attractive. Just because someone is overweight does not mean they are an 85 year old grandmother from biguglyflowerland.

All US citizens would be allowed to murder 1 person in their lifetime. Pick carefully.

Vote Angie 2008!

#1 - Get a new sewing machine

2006-03-25T08:56:00.000-05:00

We'll start small. I need a new sewing machine badly. Why is it that I can spend $2000 in a week buying this and that, but I can't pony up $200 for a new sewing machine? Lets discuss my current one...

My grandmother bought it around 1984 at Montgomery Ward. Remember that shit hole? I remember the lady showing us that it could sew through denim and leather, because apparently those were hot features back in the 80s. Must sew your own fringed leather jacket, or something.

Today... it doesn't really even sew through AIR consistently. It skips stitches, comes unthreaded, gets tangled, and generally just pisses me the hell off.

Why do I want a new sewing machine? I don't sew. If pants need hemmed, which I hear is about the easiest clothes alteration there is, they go to the tailor. Shirt get a hole in it? Time to buy a new one! No, the reason I want another one is so that I can sew on my layouts without swearing. I've nearly ruined several with this piece of crap sewing machine.

I sew on nearly every layout I do. And I do at least 1 a day, sometimes more. This is much swearing. I don't have enough Prozac to deal with this machine any longer.

Make me buy a new one. It's just $200. I spend that every couple days on whoknowswhat at Walmart and Target.

35 Things to do before I die

2006-03-25T08:51:00.000-05:00

I recently had to do a layout of 35 things I wanted to do before I die (one for each year old I am... damn it not still being 19). It was really hard to come up with 35, but I eventually did. So, I think I'm going to start doing some entries about them. Some pretty much speak for themselves, but I can always find ways to blather on about things. So, stay tuned for 35 things I want to do before I die!

Meet Sophia

2006-03-17T11:09:00.000-05:00

Sophia is my new suitcase. Yes, I gave it a name. LOOK AT IT! It totally deserves one!!!

Now that I am big jetsetter, I decided I needed a new suitcase. Not to mention a smaller one, since most of my trips are 2 days or less.

If I were to have a dream of the most fabulous and divine suitcase ever possible, that one would be about half as awesome as Sophia.

I LOVE YOU SOPHIA!

P.S. Sophia has an MSRP of $360. All the more reason to love her. I got her for less than $70!

Old Buzzard

2006-03-16T07:37:00.000-05:00

I live in what I consider to be a small town. It's only a small town to me because I grew up in a bigger one. One that had 2 high schools and 75k+ people. And it was one of the smaller ones around.

So, it was a bit of a change of pace for me to move to this town, but I love every minute of it. It's truly the best of both worlds. We have the small town mentality where you can leave your doors open and your car running and your bike outside and no one messes with anything. But we still have all the conveniences of city living; Target, Wal-Mart, 3 grocery stores, Home Depot, etc. And what we don't have here, I can get to in 20 minutes. Except Trader Joes, who really need to put a location here and complete my life. Hear me, TJ? I need better access to cheap wine and good food! Chop Chop!!

For the most part, it's easy to forget there are only 25k people here, and that the high school serves all the surrounding cities (it's utterly huge... 6,000 students, even a lacrosse team. Who has a lacrosse team? This is Ohio.). I get reminded from time to time when I notice a rabbit in my front yard, or geese in the backyard, but for the most part, it feels like home with a bigger house.

Then, there is Hinckley. Hinckley is the town adjacent to mine. About a 5 minute drive from my house, right on the other side of the entrance to I-71. Within 3 minutes of leaving my house, you're in a wooded area with a few smatterings of house here and there, but very wilderness-y for the most part. Which is one of the things I love about this place! Then you pass 71 and find Hinckley. You'll know you are there when you see the cows. Not to be confused with the sheep, who are actually on my way to the grocery store. Continuing on, there's a house with a swimming pool in the front yard. I don't know why they have a swimming pool in their front yard. It's not a small one, either. One of those big round ones. Also, they never use it. It was covered all last summer. Very odd indeed.

Continue into the town of Hinckley and you'll see all the action. They have a corner store. More like an old country store, and I don't mean that in the quaint and well-kept Cracker Barrel way, either. Oh, and a bank. I guess so you can get money before you go to the store.

They do, however, have something worth seeing. A great bunch of parks! Beaches, lakes, etc. There is one park the kids like going to that has a little lake with beaches on both sides. When I say little, don't take it as an exaggeration. The kids can walk all the way across it, and still hear my voice. And, yes, I said WALK across it. It's only about 3 feet deep at the deepest part. It's perfect for us as I only have 2 eyes and 5 kids.

Yesterday, I learned something about Hinckley that I found fascinating. In that train wreck kind of twisted way.

The Buzzards Return

Every year on March 15 since 1957, the city of Hinckley Ohio has eagerly awaited the return of the buzzards at "Buzzards' Roost" at the Hinckley Reservation, part of the Cleveland Metroparks.

Apparently, they always some back to the same place ON THE SAME DAY. How do they know??? And why are they so ugly?

Shove THAT up your duodenum!

2006-03-10T11:09:00.000-05:00

{school} I have studied my ASS OFF this week. Hear that America? New diet plan! Study your ass right off! Sadly, it doesn't work. But neither do any of the other ones, so why can't I have my millions like everyone else?

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh studying. I took my 2nd exam yesterday. First biggie. Totally aced it. I think I did, anyway. I'm going to be suicidal if I find out I missed an I somewhere in every word and got 12% or something. I'm pretty sure I only missed 1 or 2. Out of 60. Go me. So much less stressful when you're prepared! Now I'm onto the cardiovascular system. I'm trying to force myself to take today off from the whole ordeal today, but I'm too paranoid about falling behind. Which, considering Spring Break is next week, probably won't happen, but it's my blog and I'll be a crazy obsessive bitch on it if I want to!

BRB have to go potty.

Back.

Guess I didn't need to tell you that, you'd have never known I was gone. Oh well, I slaved over a hot keyboard typing all this in, and you're going to read it!

{store} Last few weeks of the Sassavivor contest. Only 26 contestants remain (I think we originally had 90 apply, but only 56ish came back to complete the first challenge. So, we're down to less than half of the original number, and the competition is getting intense. These women are extremely talented and cranking out some first class work. I expect to see many many of them in magazines this year. And I plan to take full credit when I see those GRIP layouts for inspiring that idea. =)

{scrapping} I have been a scrapping foo' this week. I bet I've done over 10 layouts this week. Mostly Cherry Arte. Once I got my stash of that out, I have been out of control. Did 2 layouts for 3KPScrap from the page kits, and then dipped into my own stash and really let loose. Here are the last couple I have done from them. Love them. The 2nd one is pretty much a scraplift of my own layout from last week, but whatEVER!

I've also completed every layout in Lora's March Madness contest. That's 10 this month so far! Whew!

{poop} Noah still very resistant to the potty, but that's another post. This is about poop and the Fed Ex man. Yesterday, I was mailing a Sassacraft package out. As I was opening the front door, I turned to Noah on the couch and said "Do you have poop in your butt?". Imagine my surprise when I turned back to the door to find the Fed Ex man standing there with a package for me. What timing. He was looking very upset/confused/scared/ready to bolt. Pretty funny to me, though.

Have a great weekend! I'll be doing exciting stuff like scrapbooking and studying. I'm so wild.

When I was a kid....

2006-03-08T12:38:00.002-05:00

Got this from my ex. That alone should tell me that I shouldn't repeat it. But it really is funny! Wish I'd written it, then that would mean I was funny. Alas.

-----------

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways... yadda, yadda, yadda.

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ's usually talked over the beginning and F'd it all up!

And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, the pig you slept with the night before that you never wanted to see again, you just didn't know!!!

You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!! We had Atari! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!
.. Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating. All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Some of us, who had parents that weren't dead beats, were fotunate to get cable television, but back then it was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,

The 30 Something crowd

Blah Blah and Knock Knock

2006-03-07T08:47:00.000-05:00

Life is full of excitement. Studying, cleaning carpets, wiping noses, etc. Fun stuff, I tell ya.

I'll try to highlight some of the finer points of my week and hope you don't fall asleep or die.

I picked out my new bedding. I think. I love love love the quilt, but I can't find it in a king size. We're getting a Queen bed, but we are both such cover whores, that I think we'd fare better with a king quilt. It says King in the description on the website, but none available to purchase. I went to the store and looked, and they also only had the full/queen. So I'm waffling. I have a 20% coupon, so at least I could save some money on it, but I hate to buy it if I'm not going to be happy with it. Here's the quilt.

It's Hamilton by Nautica. If you find it in a King, I'll give you a dollar.

Also... they have coordinating pillow shams. They only have them in standard, and we have king pillows (we're just king size people, back off), so I'm not going to buy them anyway, but can someone please tell me why I can buy the entire quilt for $139, but one freakin STANDARD SIZE PILLOW SHAM is $49.99? WTH seriously.

I have to paint the bedroom to match said quilt, naturally. Sherwin Williams loves me. Of course, there is wallpaper in there. Lets hope Alec starts acting up in school again so I can make him take it down. Oh.. I'm sure they had professionals come in and paint and wallpaper that room... the closet doors are even painted. I'm not in the mood, nor do I have the time, to paint all those little tiny shutters. Not to mention the sanding and priming. Would I be a pretentious bitch if I hired painters? I mean a bigger pretentious bitch than I already am, of course.

Enough about my bedroom, this is the most action it's seen in a while anyway.

School is... school. I don't know what the hell I was thinking signing up for this class. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I'd taken it on campus instead of online, but how boring would that class be? Do we just sit in class and throw flash cards at each other? Going Thursday to take the first BIIIG test. So not ready, probably won't ever be. I seriously don't see why I need to know what the hell a Hepatocholedochoduodenostomy is. (Sadly, I do know.)

Scrapbooking is still fun. Although I did a layout yesterday that is so ass ugly. It was supposed to be monochromatic green. Well, it is that. But oy. I need some better green papers. Maybe I'll get that KMA Dirty Laundry, there's greens in there, I think. Actually, maybe it's not my patterned paper I hate, but the cheesy cardstock I used. Anything not Bazzill is just not worthy. I'll work on it. I also did one yesterday that I love love love. But you have to go check it out at Lora's Site because she's mean and won't let me post it anywhere else. (She's my one reader, so I can't call her REAL names!)

Noah is obsessed with Knock Knock jokes. I can't tell you how annoying that can get. He's lucky he's cute. Of course, if he wasn't, I'd have thrown his ass out a year ago for refusing to potty train, but that's another post for another day when I'm way more medicated than I am now.

So, I'm bored with the same 3 knock knock jokes. He tells me, then I have to tell him back. If you have any good ones (?), let me know! Yesterday I made up my own. Worse than the ones he has been telling, but he thought it was simply hilarious. So, in case you're 3, I'll leave you with it.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ahh
Ahh Who?
Bless You

Thank you! You've been great!

To the girl in this song:

2006-03-02T14:34:00.001-05:00

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
F**king high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Ditch the guy on the subway. He doesn't appreciate you, and he's probably cheating on you anyway. QUIT BEING SUCH A HEARTLESS BITCH! THIS GUY THINKS YOU ARE AN ANGEL SENT BY ANOTHER ANGEL!

I am a dirty, dirty, filthy girl.

2006-03-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting here scrapbooking, doing an AAM page for the month long contest at My Scrap Shak and listening to the Yahoo Music Engine, which is pretty cool after you rate like 14 million songs, which I have. A song comes on, and I'm bouncing along, which is odd for me for a song I never heard before. I usually hate them the first couple times.

So, I decide, 'hey, I like this song!' and I glance over to see what/who it is.

If you repeat this, I will deny it until I am dead.

It was Lindsay Lohan.

I'm not sure if I should just kill myself, or what.

Motherhood Suspicion

2006-03-01T08:55:00.000-05:00

Noah, now in his 14th year of potty training, is still too stubborn to actually use the toilet. Or maybe too lazy. But, he gets really annoyed whenever he wets his pants (oddly, having a deuce the size of a Buick in them doesn't seem to bother him at all). So, as any mother would, anytime he cries, I start screaming "DID YOU WET YOUR PANTS?", to which he enevitably answers "I don't knooooow". Why I haven't killed him is beyond me. Of course, he's mostly pee trained, so 80% of the time I'm falsely accusing him.

Today, it was Sean's turn. He walked over to me with this brown goopy drool all down the front of his shirt and pants. I, being the calm and rational woman I am, immediately started searching the room and all surrounding ones that he can't even get to because they are gated off for the steaming pile of vomit he surely left behind.

After 10 minutes of this, I realized that the 'vomit' smelled suspiciously like a peanut butter cookie.

Apparently he saved the one I gave him yesterday and enjoyed it this morning. Enjoyed it all over himself, at that.

Moo.

2006-02-28T13:24:00.000-05:00

So, I'm fat. Still. Again. More. Went out and bought a scale today so I can start WW for the 94567th time tomorrow. Highest weight ever. Ugh.

More pictures, if you can stand it.

2006-02-24T17:58:00.000-05:00

Was actually warm enough to get some outside pictures with actual light. :)

Fun With Photoshop

2006-02-23T10:52:00.000-05:00

So I recently discovered the fun which is actions and downloaded a bunch. New versions of yesterday's photos:

AM Photos

2006-02-22T10:04:00.000-05:00

Look what an overachiever I am... have already had a photo shoot this morning.

From the highlight reel:

Adventures at Subway

2006-02-21T21:25:00.000-05:00

I hardly ever go to Subway. As much as I love their subs, everytime I go there, I leave with a blank stare.

Last time I was there, I ordered 2 identical 12" subs for GWH and I. Except one with regular mayo and 1 with lite. I realize that a 12" BMT with LITE mayo is a lesson in futility, I just don't like regular mayo, so back off. Anyway, she hands me the bag and I ask her which one is which. She replies "I have no idea". I should have had her remake them, but I couldn't wipe the deer in the headlights look off my face to do it.

Tonight, I went again. Different Subway. 2 hours from the other one. When will I learn.

I walk her through GWH's sub. 12" BMT, lettuce, tomato, onion, jalapenos, mayo. Then mine. Lettuce, tomato, green pepper, onion, mild peppers and lite mayo.

She grabs the same mayo container and puts a tiny bit on and says "is that good?"

I think I stared at her for 5 minutes before I realized what the hell was wrong with her.

Next time, I guess I have to spell it out. L-I-T-E. Not light.

Sigh.

To GWH

2006-02-20T14:35:00.000-05:00

For still sleeping next to me even when my farts smell like dead old people.

For not only believing in me when I said I wanted to open a store, but for supporting me physically, mentally, emotionally and financially so that I could.

For ordering take out without complaint when I'm too lazy to cook dinner for the 3rd night in a row.

For letting me spend $30 getting clean shirts laundered just so that I won't have to iron them.

For looking at every single scrapbooking page I do with great interest, even when you couldn't care less.

For mushrooms. You know what I mean.

For never complaining about having to raise 4 pre-existing, demanding, expensive and at times difficult children.

For being you, and being with me, and making me happier than I've ever been.

Thank you. And Happy Anniversary.

I love my little town.

2006-02-19T16:38:00.000-05:00

They just do the coolest things, right downtown less than a mile from me.

This is my town square. Well, one side of it. And when it's warmer out. I didn't take this picture, but whatever.

A couple weeks ago, at the fairgrounds, they had a chocolate festival. Yes, that's right, a FESTIVAL of CHOCOLATE. HELLO? Every year. Love this town.

This weekend is the ice festival. The streets of the square are lined with these really cool ice sculptures. The downside is, it's really damn cold outside. But, as ever so smart GWH pointed out, the ice festival wouldn't be much to look at if it were warm. So we braved the elements and went. Of course, my camera battery died right as we got to the center where all the coolest ones are. And damn cars kept getting in my way of the others. Next year I should take my rolling backdrop with me and make the kids wheel it along. Haha.

Anyway, here's a couple pictures that didn't turn out completely crappy.

Did you know that Spongebob lived in Medina? It's true. I can prove it.

And my ice angels. This went the opposite of how I planned. There were 4 of these angels. I cropped the other 2 out because my bozo older boys were over there acting like idiots. I had this vision of the 4 of them playing along and looking like little ice angels and me taking the picture. But my battery was dying, and rabid old people that were afraid they weren't going to live til the end of the day were waiting for their turn for pictures of the ice, so I had to get what I could.

Medina Ohio, where Christmas lasts through February.

Migraines (update)

2006-02-17T13:18:00.000-05:00

Hi, my name is Angie, and I'm a migraine sufferer. If you've never had one, ~~I hate you~~ consider yourself lucky. They suck big hairy crusty gorilla balls, that haven't even been dipped in chocolate or anything. I usually only get them a couple times a year, and usually in the evening, so I can just escape to bed and leave dh to tend to the tendees.

I've learned over the years, that if I take pills at the first sign of a migraine, and then keep taking them until it is all the way gone, I can generally keep the pain to a dull ache. But this one has been a whopper. I've been alternating ibuprofen and advil for the last 24 hours. I have it back down to the dull ache, after laying on the couch for an hour and a half this morning with the curtains drawn. It's a good thing Sean still naps. I'll be taking advantage of his afternoon nap the same way, in the hopes that I can get this thing gone. If only I were a man. Then I could just go to my room and hide until it all went away. But alas, I was cursed with a uterus. So I have to not only incubate and birth the little assholes, I have to listen to them scream when I have a headache the size of North Dakota. Not to mention do all my other wifely duties like clean the house and grocery shop. With aforementioned little assholes. And speaking of assholes and the shit they spew forth, have I mentioned that Noah STILL isn't potty trained? More on that another day.

Additionally, I have until 2pm tomorrow to drive to the college campus and take my first big exam in Medical Terminology. I really would prefer not to do this with a pounding headache. REALLY. I would REALLY prefer it. Do you hear me, asshole headache gods???

Day 2

2006-02-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

http://www.healthsquare.com/migraines.htm

*sigh*

Pictures... I'm still not sure!

2006-02-15T15:17:00.000-05:00

From the front door coming into the house:

From the top of the stairs looking down at the front door (this is what scares me, feels like the stairway is going to swallow me whole, but I guess the hallway doesn't have a big enough mouth for that):

From the corner next to the front door looking toward the living room:

Opinions?

Update on the Paint Quagmire

2006-02-15T12:26:00.000-05:00

GIGGITY!

I mean... the wall I painted with the sample is dry, and I think I like it. I think I might maybe possibly consider going to get a quart and finishing the job.

Pictures tomorrow, along with the decision as to whether or not I'm going to repaint it. :)

Committment to a Thistle

2006-02-15T10:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I finally finished getting the remainder of ugly wallpaper and residual glue off the walls of my staircase.

I decided that maybe I might sorta be considering possibly using a color other than off white on it.

Is this tacky for a staircase? Am I nuts?

I have a test patch up there now. I still can't commit.

Here's the color, Sherwin Williams Thistle

The wall connects to the very sage green living room, and you can see the living room color as you come down the stairs. Since the living room accent color is a darker version of this purple, I figured it might work.

I just don't know!!

3 Reasons I May Kill My Husband

2006-02-14T09:29:00.000-05:00

After making a special trip to Walgreens at 7:45 before the dentist to get gloves for wallpaper removal and pick up my prints to finish a contest layout, he grabbed the bag on the way out the door, so now I have to go back.

Ok, that's only one. Maybe I'll just kill him 3 times.

Let the nail biting begin.

2006-02-13T16:49:00.000-05:00

3 Bugs in a Rug DT submission has been sent.

Round 2 layouts for Queen of Funk challenge at Scrap Forums have been sent.

This is going to make me drink more than I already do.

I told you my brain was full.

2006-02-13T10:08:00.000-05:00

I came here all set to tell you that I was just so clever that I managed to get 2 of those projects done in one layout. Then I realized that I did the wrong AAM challenge. Ugh. Oh well, at least the layout is cute!

Scrappin' ToDo

2006-02-13T08:02:00.000-05:00

Don't mind me, just clearing the scrapping to do list from my mind so I can fill that spot with something useful like figuring out what this black crap is that is all over my hands or what color I should paint the laundry room.

8x8 AAM page - Song Lyrics

~~Letter Z challenge for Scrap Forums~~

2 more LO for Scrapbook.com contest

~~2 Christina Cole LOs for CP~~

~~Catch up in Scribbles contest~~

Think I can get all that done today? Guess not.

My-osis-killus-itis

2006-02-12T09:41:00.000-05:00

So I'm taking this medical terminology class because GWH seems to think I should get a job or something (like being his goregous and devoted wife isn't enough?) and it is making me crazy!

We're on the musculoskeletal system and the words, the words burn.

I'm supposed to take the on campus test this week, and I can only hope it's easier than the online ones. They give us the definition and we have to type out the word. Where are my muliple choices????

I'm too old for this.

They must have gotten it from their father.

2006-02-10T20:12:00.000-05:00

This morning I was washing the wallpaper glue off the hallway since I started this project 2 months ago and figured it was about time. I had gloves on, because God forbid I ruin my manicure!

Noah: "Why are you wearing those gloves?"

Me: "Because I'm using chemicals and I don't want to burn my skin." (shut up, it's not that big of a lie)

Noah: "But you don't have tentacles, only Squidward does"

It took me a while to figure out wth he was talking about.

No, Noah. Not tentacles. Not testicles, either. CHEMICALS.

Racial Diversity

2006-02-10T07:44:00.000-05:00

If you read my blog for more than 5 minutes, you'll learn that my daughter is nuts. I mean seriously. I think she might be schizophrenic. She talks to herself for hours on end, says things that make no sense whatsoever and cries at the drop of a hat.

Sometimes, however, her crazy is also funny. Dinner conversation last night:

Lauren: "There's a girl in my class that is half indian and half pilgrim"

Me: "... what? (blank stare)"

Lauren: "No no, I mean half indian and half HUMAN"

Ahh of course.

Today's Creation

2006-02-09T19:08:00.001-05:00

Wasn't expecting to work on this layout today, but the mood struck and here it is! I LOVE working with bright fun colors. I should have had 4 girls and 1 boy instead of the other way around. :D

The big decision.

2006-02-09T14:16:00.000-05:00

The potential cleaning ladies have come and gone, now I have to make a decision. Hate that part.

They both quoted the same price, so I guess it's a matter of who will do the better job. But how am I supposed to know that??? I asked them how long, roughly, they thought they'd be here. One said 4 hours and one said 3 hours. But maybe she just works faster?

Of course, the old cleaning lady was just here yesterday, so maybe they have no idea what they are REALLY in for.

First Tribal Council Begins!

2006-02-09T08:35:00.000-05:00

We're doing a super fun Survivor-type contest over at my site. Sassavivor! The voting started today and I think I'm more nervous than the contestants.

Maybe because I tried to set the polls up at 6:30am before coffee and it would only let me enter 10 choices (we have 57 contestants) so I had to make 6 separate polls. Then I put them in the wrong forum. The public one, not the private one that I painstakingly set up for contestants to use for voting.

Luckily, VERY GORGEOUS AND WONDERFUL HUSBAND, from here on known as GWH, is way more brilliant than I am and pointed out that there was probably an easy way to change the number of poll options I was allowed. There was, and I moved them, and felt like a giant dork. But it's all working as intended now, whew.

Some gorgeous gorgeous layouts in there, I'm glad I'm not the one voting, only the one breaking ties. I also have to pick an Angie's Pick of the Week to award a prize to. Not sure which one that'll be, they are all SO good! Sigh.

As of now I'm just killing time until my first potential cleaning lady shows up for an estimate. I fired the old one. Too expensive and too fast. $75 is not worth 2.5 hrs of cleaning, do you think? I think not! I need someone who'll work for pennies! Ok, not really. I am ok with the $75... if she would have at least stayed 4-5 hours and really CLEANED, ya know?

The light bulb works. Sometimes.

2006-02-08T17:50:00.000-05:00

I just noticed that my template matches the sweater I'm wearing in the picture.

I guess I'm not that bright.

This post is as boring as the first 2.

2006-02-08T09:35:00.000-05:00

Now that I have a new blog, I guess I should post on it. Today I am obsessing over whether or not I made the next round in the Funk it Up contest at Scrap Forums. I also got word that a layout I created for the Layout Blueprints call was picked up, so at least we're starting off good. We'll see what happens at ScrapForums before I call it a good day. :) It's funny that they picked up that layout, I hated it and thought it was absolute crap. You really do never know what they're looking for!

I also have to go to Noah's parent-teacher conference. They don't have school today because of those. Is it wrong that I told him he's not going to school today because he pooped his pants? Probably, but I'm getting desperate. I'm very tired of poop!!! Next week marks the 13 year anniversary of shit. I've had a kid in diapers non-stop for 13 years now. Kill me. Should that go in the same paragraph as Noah's parent-teacher conference? Oh well.

Cleaning lady is coming today, so I'm about to go clean the house. Shut it.

Nevermind

2006-02-08T09:20:00.000-05:00

Wow. I gave up in 20 minutes. That's a new record.

Echooooo

2006-02-08T08:59:00.000-05:00

I miss blogging. No idea why, since I have nothing of interest to say. I guess I just like to hear myself type, which I can do at 90wpm tyvm. I'll be back cursing later after I spend 5 hours destroying the functionality of my blog trying to make it pretty just to end up using one of the default templates in frustration!